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Terror Networks & Islam
Magazine for female boomers
2005-01-16
Nowadays, bookstores and press kiosks are overcrowded with all sorts of books and magazines. One of the most vicious terrorist organizations "Al Qaeda" decided to use the printed press to their own benefit as well. Terrorists have published the first issue of the Al Khansa magazine in red cover. The new magazine focuses on ideological and military training for wannabe female "Shakhids (female suicide bombers). It contains special advices for women who are willing to participate in Jihad. In its quarterly publication Gnosis, Italian security services have already termed such manual for young Shakhids as "emancipation bin Laden style."

The title of the magazine was chosen to commemorate legendary female poet of VII century Tumader bint Amru. According to the authors of the magazine, she "is the real historic symbol of the woman-warrior as well the symbol of all mothers-martyrs." She was named "Al Khansa" for her "little nose and her beauty." Tumader was one of the first female Bedouins who accepted Islam. She lost her four sons in a victorious battle against the Persians. As soon as the battle was over Al Khansa proclaimed a statement, which later became the motto of all Shakhids. "I thank God for awarding me with their death. I ask God to unite me with them in a place of His mercy," exclaimed Al Khansa.

Italian state security service notes the importance of Al Qaeda"s informational PR move aimed at female audience. "This concerns a major turn in planning within the international terrorist web, which up until recently has been recruiting only men for any sort of "operations" as opposed to the Palestinian intifada or Chechen nationalistic extremist groups."
Not that any of the bigs will send their own daughters; those girls are needed in marriages to cement alliances.
Another noteworthy event comes to mind in connection with the terrorist publication "for women." In May 2003 one of the most influential religious figures of the Islamic world sheikh Usuf al-Karadaui has issued a Fatwa (Islamic law), according to which female kamikazes are relieved of following traditional Islamic behavioral norms for the sake of Jihad, the holy war. In a way, such statement could be viewed as an emancipation of Arab women.
"Party til you boom, honey!"
The new magazine Al Khansa proposes certain requirements for the potential female suicide-bombers. She has to know Koran by heart; she has to know CPR; also she has to be able to prepare the so-called "urgent set", which needs to include natural honey and water from a sacred spring from Mecca. A Shakhid has to be humble; she shouldn't watch TV, use air conditioner or any other "luxurious items." She must also give up all her monetary possessions for the good of the operation.
Not only does she boom, but the controllers turn a profit.
In addition, potential ben Laden follower has to be an exceptional shooter and has to be able to transport weaponry. To conclude the theoretical account, Al Qaeda shows women "the way to liberation, which they will never be able to achieve otherwise."
Posted by:Dan Darling

#9  whereas the Islamic one blows herself up."

Ya, but she won't have the guts to do it again.
Posted by: Captain America   2005-01-16 11:00:05 PM  

#8  LOL - Zen
Posted by: Frank G   2005-01-16 8:03:44 PM  

#7  Might as well plant this one here:

A guy walks into a sex shop and inquires about an inflatable doll. The clerk asks him, "Do you want a Christian doll or an Islamic doll?" The guy then asks, "What's the difference?"

The clerk replies, "You have to inflate the Christian doll, whereas the Islamic one blows herself up."

Bah dum bum
Posted by: Zenster   2005-01-16 7:41:08 PM  

#6  LOL JFM. Lousy business plan--definitely not their strong suit. Kind of like the DYI comic book for Mexicans wanting to come to the U.S.
Posted by: John Q. Citizen   2005-01-16 2:01:52 PM  

#5  has to be able to transport weaponry.

Not to put a damper on things that transporting weaponry is not what that was designed for.
Posted by: CrazyFool   2005-01-16 9:35:51 AM  

#4  Think they have a lousy business plan since very few of their readership will buy more than a couple issues.
Posted by: JFM   2005-01-16 8:33:53 AM  

#3  Their best edition for "Boomers Illustrated" is the Annual Boomsuit. Voted best song, "I fall to pieces"
Posted by: Captain America   2005-01-16 7:40:31 AM  

#2  I presume that all subscribers pay as they go or pay in advance.
Posted by: Captain America   2005-01-16 7:38:11 AM  

#1  Lol - And I thought this was about Yuppie Wymyns - and was gonna snark about it being on Page 1, lol!

"legendary female poet of VII century Tumader bint Amru"

So this legend's words will sway wymyns into strapping on a, um, boomer belt? Heh. Where's the Engrish translation - I have other ploys in mind... same for the fatwa - there's bound to be a way to...
Posted by: .com   2005-01-16 3:49:11 AM  

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