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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Two Old Men Arrested After Telling Lawyer Jokes
2005-01-12
The line leading into First District Court in Hempstead [Long Island, NY] Monday morning was long and frustrating, but it was the punch line in a lawyer joke that got two rabble-rousing comedians arrested. "How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?" Harvey Kash, 69, of Bethpage, said to Carl Lanzisera, 65, of Huntington, as the queue wound into the court. "His lips are moving," they said in unison, completing one of what may be thousands of standard lawyer jokes. But while that rib and several others on barristers got some giggles from the crowd, the attorney standing in line about five people ahead wasn't laughing... The attorney reported Kash and Lanzisera to court personnel, who arrested the men and charged them with engaging in disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor...

The men are founders of Americans for Legal Reform, a group of outspoken advocates who use confrontational tactics to push for greater access to courts for the public and to monitor how well courts serve the public... They said their rights to free speech were violated Monday. But Dan Bagnuola, a spokesman for the Nassau courts, said the men were causing a stir and that their exercise of their First Amendment rights to free speech was impeding the rights of others at the court. Bagnuola said he did not have the name of the lawyer who complained to officers. The men were given desk appearance tickets and are due back in court - as defendants - next month.
Posted by:Pappy

#20  What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?
They grow taller.

Posted by: John Q. Citizen   2005-01-12 10:51:16 PM  

#19  Cingold - I appreciate your sense of humor!
Posted by: Frank G   2005-01-12 10:44:43 PM  

#18  lmao john q. citizen
Posted by: smokeysinse   2005-01-12 10:31:26 PM  

#17  Cingold: We use that last line a lot in the oilfield, believe it or not...
Posted by: Phil Fraering   2005-01-12 9:22:36 PM  

#16  What are 5,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
A lawyer once moved into a small town. He got no business until a second lawyer moved into town. Then both had plenty of business.
"I once met a most unusual person....a lawyer who kept his hands in his own pockets." - Mark Twain
Posted by: Weird Al   2005-01-12 7:48:55 PM  

#15  Why are there so many lawyers in Washington and so many gays in San Francisco? San Francisco had first choice.
Posted by: John Q. Citizen   2005-01-12 6:20:57 PM  

#14  Scientists are now usng lawyers instead of lab rats for research because:
1. Lawyers are more plentiful.
2. They are easier to train.
3. Researchers don’t get attached to them.
4. There are some things even a rat won’t do.
Posted by: ed   2005-01-12 5:45:14 PM  

#13  lol...no one asked you to stop!
Posted by: 2b   2005-01-12 5:41:31 PM  

#12  But . . . I . . . can't . . . . . . stop . . .

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse." The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Posted by: cingold   2005-01-12 5:38:54 PM  

#11  A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

OK, OK, I'll stop now ;)
Posted by: cingold   2005-01-12 5:26:54 PM  

#10  A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"

"Just send a bill for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his office and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill. That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer.
Posted by: cingold   2005-01-12 5:25:15 PM  

#9  Mike,

A shark or a lawyer?
Posted by: cingold   2005-01-12 5:20:40 PM  

#8  A hindu, a muslim and a lawyer were stranded near a farmhouse and the car could not be fixed until the next morning. The farmer told the three they could sleep in the barn.

The hindu returned and explained that there were cows in the barn and for religious reasons he could not sleep there.

A few minutes later the muslim returned complaining that the pig made it impossible for him to sleep there.

Soon, there was another knock at the door. When the farmer answered it, there were the cows and the pig.
Posted by: ed   2005-01-12 5:15:01 PM  

#7  Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

(I am one, so I'm allowed to say that.)
Posted by: Mike   2005-01-12 5:01:47 PM  

#6  98% of 'em give all the rest a bad name!!
Posted by: Sgt. Mom   2005-01-12 4:52:38 PM  

#5  So why do lawyers wear ties?
It keeps the foreskin from coming up over their necks.
Posted by: tu3031   2005-01-12 4:28:51 PM  

#4  Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A. One is a foul-smeling carrion-eating scavenger, the other's a bird.

In the same vein:

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A. One is a slimy, bottom-feeding predator, the other's a fish.
Posted by: Atomic Conspiracy   2005-01-12 4:24:23 PM  

#3  Sue 'em if you can't take a joke.
Posted by: BH   2005-01-12 2:58:19 PM  

#2  Sgt. Mom, If the all the lawyer jokes are true, what's the problem?
Posted by: John Q. Citizen   2005-01-12 2:21:28 PM  

#1  Damn, I thought it was Statler and Waldorf...
Posted by: Sgt. Mom   2005-01-12 2:13:02 PM  

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