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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| New Years Resolutions for 2005 |
| 2004-12-31 |
| The DNC: We resolve to not be so reactionary, except when a Republican's ratings climb. Dan Rather: I resolve to maintain total honesty henceforth and forevermore. I also resolve not to annoy the Ward-Brodt people when I go to replace broken harp strings. Yassin, Rantissi, and Arafat: We resolve to eschew any activities whose names reference fire, cooking, or heat. John Kerry: I resolved to be more consistent before I didn't. Howard Dean: I'm going to calm down, and then I'm going to take a deep breath, YEARGH! Can you think of any more? |
| Posted by:Korora |
| #4 Wow, Stephen! I just saw this - nice work, bro! |
| Posted by: .com 2004-12-31 9:58:59 PM |
| #3 I,Kim Jong Il,resolve to know when to hold 'em,and to know when to fold 'em. I've got enough tucked away to bribe Jacques and I think Tahiti will be nice place to live. I,Jimmy Carter,resolve to oversee the elections in...ah...uh...well...hmmm...Zimbabwe. Yeah,Zimbabwe's got a dictator's butt I haven't kissed yet. I,Dan Rather,resolve to use my new free time to find out if the Bush Guard documents are fakes or not. I,John F Kerry,resolve to recommend Bob Shrum to all my enemies. That so-called political consultant loses more than the Washington Generals. I,Jacques Chirac,resolve to restore France to her rightful place as the First Nation Of the World and to oversee the extinction of English....Wife why are you laughing hysterically? Stop that! I,George Bush,resolve to be more compassionate,more generous,more consultative,nicer,friendlier to our Countries friends. The rest of y'all can go suck on a Tomahawk. Reminds me,I got to get Dad to sign my card to Dan on steppin down as anchor. Gonna party that night! I,Osama Bin Laden,resolve to find a new cave. This one's getting pretty rank. I,Kofi Annan,resolve to slap the s*** out of my son. The miserable ingrate hasn't given me my fair cut. I,Saddam Hussein,resolve to hire Johnnie Cochrane. If the WMD's aren't found,I cannot be bound. We,the members of the EU,resolve to be an IMPORTANT WORLD POWER. And if you don't respect us,we're going to hold our breath until we turn blue-we will,don't make us! We,the members of the NHL,management and players alike,resolve to continue not playing hockey until you notice. We,the members of the Democratic Party,resolve that the best way to win elections is to call all those who don't vote for us idiots,religious fanatics,stupid,selfish,dumb,bigoted,ignorant,trigger-happy racist sheep. We,the Republican Party,resolve to remind the American people what the Dems think of them. We,the MSM,resolve to get Who,What,When,Where and Why...wrong. I,Bill Clinton,resolve to do all I can to keep that cold shrew from being elected President,while telling that gullible b**** I'm behind her all the way. Hey big girl,wanna cigar? I,Hillary Clinton,resolve to grind that two-timing,back-stabbing B******s afce in my inevitable victory. Or I'll get him neutered...hmmm,first thing I'll do is pardon Lorena Bobbitt. I,Kobe Bryant,resolve to walk up to Shaq and hold out my hand in our next meeting in Miami. That will get everybody off my back. We,the assorted Rantburgers wherever we may be,resolve to be polite,calm and reasoned on this forum...until the next idiot says something completely stupid. |
| Posted by: Stephen 2004-12-31 9:50:02 PM |
| #2 The preceding announcement, without the express written permission of the National Football League and the RNC, is strictly...prohibited! |
| Posted by: smn 2004-12-31 3:25:02 PM |
| #1 I, George Walker Bush will admit that I am a religious crackpot, and apologise for believing that Judaism and Christianity have anything to do with Islam. I will then proceed by nuking Mecca and Medina. I advise any of my first incarnation followers to bite firmly on their tongues, anytime they feel the need to use the term "values." I value only American life. |
| Posted by: George Walker Bush 2004-12-31 2:32:24 PM |