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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Chickens Crossing The Road In Iraq...
2004-06-11
..and not well, either. These are from www.juancole.com from one of our guys there.
Why Did the Chicken cross the Road?

Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.

Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004.

Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed.

US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.

Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.

1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP?s. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers.

Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.

Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident.

Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request.

U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead.
(NOTE: That last one should probably read, "The chicken is dead, SIR!" )

Mike
Posted by:Mike Kozlowski

#28  Terpsboy offers the Bionic Chicken. This clucker crosses any damned road he wants to.
Posted by: .com   2004-06-11 7:32:42 PM  

#27  Alright. It's a classic.
Posted by: Fred   2004-06-11 4:15:46 PM  

#26  Rafael - And, 10,000 years from now, palaeontologists find a chicken skeleton with some indistinguishable rusted metal with a trace of heretofore unknown minerals. A worldwide confrence of the scientific community is called to discuss the find. Charles Darwin, MCMIC (the
1999th) will chair the discussion. It is titled - "Regressive Evolution: The Chickens Used WMDs; Now They're Only Good for Dinner".
Posted by: BigEd   2004-06-11 4:14:48 PM  

#25  IDF: The chicken was caught smuggling weapons through a tunnel underneath the road. This tunnel has now been sealed. With the chicken in it.
Posted by: Rafael   2004-06-11 3:13:00 PM  

#24  im admit this purdy funy. :)
Posted by: muck4doo   2004-06-11 2:08:54 PM  

#23  Controller: We've got a chicken down. We've got a chicken down.

General Sanchez: We've just lost the initiative.
Posted by: Dar   2004-06-11 1:55:15 PM  

#22  WA State Air National Guard, USAF Reserves:

Patron Four: Target on road.

Controller: Patron Four, engage target.

Patron Four: Target destroyed, request straffing run to sanitize target area.

Controller: Patron Four, four mintutes free fire authorized. Friendlys on scene in 10 minutes from SSW.

Patron Four: South south who?

Controller: Negitive south south who, Patron Four.

Patron Four: Current heading north north east.

Controller: Turn right Patron Four, the window is closed.

Patron Four: Feathers are flying, straffing complete and turning right out of target area.

Posted by: Lucky   2004-06-11 1:49:20 PM  

#21  PETA: The Chicken was on it's way to work to provide for his family, when the death squads of Tyson spotted the Chicken and began chase. The Chicken was caught and will be sent a concentration camp where he will then be "processed" and divided up into 4 Chicken McNugget Happy Meals. The Chicken will be in our hearts forever, along with Adolf Hitler, who gave us an excuse to run "Holocaust on Your Plate" ads.
Posted by: BigMutha   2004-06-11 1:27:43 PM  

#20  Homer Simpson: mmmmmmmmmmmmm.....chicken.
Posted by: Rex Mundi   2004-06-11 1:18:18 PM  

#19  Howard Dean: Braaawwwkkk!!!!
Posted by: BH   2004-06-11 1:01:47 PM  

#18  Rep. Gephardt: The chicken is a miserable failure.
Posted by: Raj   2004-06-11 1:00:03 PM  

#17  Wahhabi: Was the chicken escorted by an adult male relative? NO?!?! Call the vice squad and round up the chickens!
Posted by: jules 187   2004-06-11 12:30:19 PM  

#16  UN: The situation in Iraq is not safe for chickens. Our four-star chef needs chickens for his menu. So the UN will not be in Iraq anytime soon, because we cannot get Chicken Cordon Bleu for lunch.
Posted by: Pappy   2004-06-11 12:23:43 PM  

#15  AFLAC Duck: "I'm NOT A CHICKEN!"
Posted by: Frank G   2004-06-11 12:17:53 PM  

#14  Up for Animal Rantburg, Fred?
Posted by: Tom   2004-06-11 12:02:44 PM  

#13  "Kerry: 'The chicken crossed the road before it did not'"
That's "The chicken crossed the road before it did not and did you know I served in Vietnam?"

"LOL! This thread has "Classics" written all over it..."
I agree wholeheartedly.
Posted by: Korora   2004-06-11 11:27:33 AM  

#12  I thought Hans Blix and his elite team of UN inspectors couldn't find any chickens?
Posted by: Dar   2004-06-11 11:26:41 AM  

#11  LOL! This thread has "Classics" written all over it...
Posted by: .com   2004-06-11 10:49:06 AM  

#10  USAF:
"As you can see here in the target video, the bomb was locked onto the chicken...and there it goes...the chicken is still moving...still moving...and unfortunately passed out of the parameters of the guidance system so that the bomb completely missed it and hit the weasel instead. Gotta admit thought, it's impressive footage..."

Mike
Posted by: Mike Kozlowski   2004-06-11 10:39:02 AM  

#9  Baghdad Bob: The chicken never crossed the road! He is safe in Baghdad, miles from the marauding vehicles of the infidel! THERE IS NO ROAD!
Posted by: BH   2004-06-11 10:18:25 AM  

#8  LLL: Bush lied! Chickens died!
Posted by: Chris W.   2004-06-11 10:12:12 AM  

#7  That was a plastic chicken! The whole story is a fraud!
Posted by: Eric Jablow   2004-06-11 9:22:09 AM  

#6  Although the targeted roosters escaped harm, dozens of innocent hens and small chicks were killed by the tires of the infidels. This will infuriate the Chicken Street, and the roosters are already strapping suicide bomb vests on brainwashed chicks.
Posted by: Tom   2004-06-11 9:17:09 AM  

#5  Shipman, that is funny! Alternate Marine Corps response:

"Sir, this chicken has no excuse for his actions! This chicken wasn't thinking, Sir! Push, aye-aye, Sir!
Posted by: BH   2004-06-11 9:08:38 AM  

#4  Kerry: "The chicken crossed the road before it did not"
Posted by: john   2004-06-11 7:16:50 AM  

#3  Navy: The chicken upon crossing the road was painted and lashed to the curb.
Posted by: Shipman   2004-06-11 6:52:12 AM  

#2  Assuming, of course, there's anything left of the chicken.
Posted by: Rafael   2004-06-11 4:00:20 AM  

#1  U.S. Marine Corps: "Want some chicken, sir?"
Posted by: mojo   2004-06-11 3:13:56 AM  

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