Dear Fellow Kerry Supporter:

We may have made a horrible mistake.
May?
We may have backed the wrong guy.
May?
Granted, it was difficult to stick with Howard after it became apparent he wasn’t wrapped all that tight,
[Really? When did you first notice?]
but perhaps we were a bit hasty in jumping on the Kerry bandwagon. So far, the Kerry campaign has all the forward momentum of a Dukakis tank ride.
With, hopefully, similar results.
Since sewing up the nomination, the two most memorable things John Kerry has done are go on vacation and have surgery. Recently, he went for a bike ride in Boston - and fell off. You tie that mishap together with the shoulder injury he sustained - riding on a bus - and Kerry’s just a staircase header away from wrenching the Slapstick in Chief title away from Gerald Ford.
Ouch! Heh.
Besides the walking-and-chewing-gum problem, Kerry is also turning out to be quite the gasbag.
[No, really?]
He’s one of those people who if you say nice night to him, he wants to explain the cosmos. I mean, two minutes of listening to Kerry these days and you’re longing for the excitement of a Joe Lieberman foreign-policy speech. The thing is, we Democrats didn’t endorse Kerry because of his intellect;
[Jeez, don’t tell him that - he’ll get upset]
we got behind him because we thought he would go nose-to-nose with President Bush. Now we’re not so sure. Since securing the nomination, Kerry has been whacked around more than Larry, Curly and Moe put together.
Double ouch! LOL
What happened to the "I’m a fighter" thing? What happened to "bring it on?" Gee, I dunno - ask President Bush.
It’s so bad that Kerry has even let the Republicans get away with criticizing his war record.
When and where? Unless you spell "war" "s-e-n-a-t-e v-o-t-i-n-g"
What Kerry is failing to recognize is that everybody is already Tongue Fu
[GREAT description]
fighting and their ads are fast as lightning. And if he doesn’t "bring it on" now, it’s going to be hasta la vista, baby.
Ahhnold’s running for Prez?
The bottom line, fellow Democrats, is this. If Kerry doesn’t show some spunk soon, we should start thinking about nominating someone at the convention who will. Dean - with the right medication -
[Thorazine and Stellazine?]
remains a viable option.

Sincerely, Howard Beale

(Still mad as hell.)