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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Prices Fall Dramatically for Secret Plans for Nuclear Weapons |
| 2004-04-08 |
| From The Onion Top-secret information about the design, construction, and delivery of nuclear weapons has never been more affordable than it is today, CIA Director George Tenet announced Monday. ..... "These bargain prices will create more buyers, which will in turn widen the black market to include more sellers," Tenet said. "If this trend continues, then by 2010, nuclear secrets will be well within the reach of Uzbekistan, Morocco, and pretty much anyone else with enough money to buy a used car." ... CIA nuclear-weapons specialist Mitch Romano ... cited another example of plunging prices. "About six months ago, one of our wiretaps recorded the sale of plans for a two-foot, 12-megaton warhead to a Quebecois separatist cell for slightly more than $1 million," Romano said. "Yesterday, the plans surfaced again, this time on the Internet. It was eBay item #2899538529, and it had a ’Buy it now’ price of $18,500." Romano assured the public that the CIA has the seller, a San Diego-based car-audio retailer with the screen name of BatVette65, under strict surveillance. "He’s got tons of new deals every week," Romano said. "Right now, he’s got plans for an artillery-launched supergun nuke and a set of blueprints for cool old vintage Soviet-era silos." ..... "Last week, we investigated reports that a cell in Edinburgh had sold classified British intelligence information to an American group," Woess said. "The group turned out to be the Young Republicans organization at the University of Virginia. NATO has since classified the group as a Class D potential nuclear threat," Woess added. At least one intelligence expert expressed trepidation over the booming nuclear-secrets economy. "It was an embarrassment to our country that Abdul Qadeer Khan sold nuclear secrets and technology to Iran, Libya, and North Korea," said General Mohammed Kanazwa, a senior officer for Pakistani military intelligence. "But it was all the more embarrassing when we found out that he had sold them in the ’Bargains Under $100’ section of the Cleveland Plain Dealer." .... |
| Posted by:Mike Sylwester |
| #11 I've several portable, electrically powered, semi-focused, random photon generators in my garage. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2004-04-08 7:29:07 PM |
| #10 Actually, there's not much of anything 'dangerous' in my garage at all... Still, my neighbors are always EXTREMELY polite whenever they visit. Like the man said, it's not what people know that scares them, it's what they DON'T know, but could well imagine that makes them quake in their boots - something we could use to our advantage, but aren't, in Iraq. |
| Posted by: Old Patriot 2004-04-08 1:24:52 PM |
| #9 Makes you wonder what goodies are in OP's garage, doesn't it? |
| Posted by: Raj 2004-04-08 12:09:11 PM |
| #8 Throttle back, OP Mike. Someone at work is going to get freaked out and turn you in, heh heh. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2004-04-08 11:18:17 AM |
| #7 Like AP said, anybody with half a brain and a decent college education that includes physics and chemistry can design a nuclear weapon. Building one is a bit more difficult. I got in an argument with a bunch of people at work one day, and walked over to a drawing board. In fifteen minutes, I had convinced them that not only did I know HOW to design a nuclear weapon, I knew all the problems that would have to be overcome to make it work. Scared the bejonkers out of my boss, it did... |
| Posted by: Old Patriot 2004-04-08 11:10:33 AM |
| #6 Hey, thought it was a joke UNTIL the Quebecois separatist cell thing...THEN I wondered if it was real.... |
| Posted by: Steve D. 2004-04-08 9:37:50 AM |
| #5 Actually I've always fond of "Mr. T to Pity Fool". ;) |
| Posted by: eLarson 2004-04-08 8:50:05 AM |
| #4 One of the best things about The Onion is that they constantly point out to the world, with their funny stuff, just how stupid "real" journalism can be --example yesterday when all the major "legitimate" media sources were reporting a "widespread" uprising in Iraq like it was actually happening. Newswriting is a specific style of writing, and unfortunately, carries a carte blanche sense of "authority" when, really, a lot of time it's just smoke and mirrors. One of The Onion's best stories on the WOT was Starving, Bandaged Bin Laden Offers U.S. One Last Chance To Surrender (My favorite Onion headline was "Haunted Tape Dispenser Disturbed Over How To Display Hauntedness" ) |
| Posted by: ex-lib 2004-04-08 1:46:13 AM |
| #3 I just noticed that this is from the Onion. Too late in the day. Had me fooled for awhile. *red face* |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2004-04-08 12:39:17 AM |
| #2 I am not minimizing the potential for havoc by selling plans for nuclear weapons (on EBAY even...too much!). It is one thing to get the plans. It is another thing to acquire the materials, tooling, and infrastructure to manufacture these weapons. You do not machine plutonium like normal metals on your South Bend lathe, for example. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2004-04-08 12:31:15 AM |
| #1 What better way for Fred to get respect--and mondo linky love! Throw some more money in the tipjar and help Rantburg become the first nuclear power in the Blogosphere! |
| Posted by: Seafarious 2004-04-08 12:16:48 AM |