IOWAHAWK: I am hungover and have traffic court. Here are some jokes I wrote about Clinton 7 years ago.

FRANK J: Oh great, another internet chuckle pusher. Beat it, punk! I’m working this side of the street!

IOWAHAWK: Oh yeah, tough guy? I don’t scare so easy. At least not until the Vicodin wears off.

FRANK J: Then maybe you should say HELLO to my LEETLE FRIEN’!

IOWAHAWK: Yow! Not Chomps, the world’s angriest dog!

CHOMPS: Grrrr! Chomp chomp!

IOWAHAWK: If it weren’t for the Oxycontin, the pain would be unbearable!

SCRAPPLEFACE: Internet Rocked by Dog-By Killing

The poverty-racked internet humor neighborhood was rocked by another dog-by killing this morning. Authorities believe it to be the work of the notorious Frank J and Chomps gang.

IOWAHAWK: Hey! I had that idea 10 minutes ago! Ow! More dog bites!

SCRAPPLEFACE: Humorist Deploys Army of Posters

In his 93rd story idea of the day, Scott Ott ordered a massive invasion of Scrappleface posters to quell rioting in the powder keg humor neighborhood.

SCRAPPLEFACE POSTERS: Ha ha, Sir! It is the funniest thing we’ve ever read! Have a taste of our sweet nightsticks, rioters!

FRANK J: Ow!

IOWAHAWK: Ow!

CHOMPS: Nnn! Nnn! Nnn!

ALLAH: The creator of worlds is displeased.

ALL: Oh my God!

ALLAH: A fatwa upon thee, kufr. Behold, I bring you a rain of hot death.

ALL: Oh God no! Not Andy Borowitz, the world’s least funny man!

BOROWITZ: Hi, everybody! Here are some of my tongue-in cheek satirical takes on the news.

ALL: Have Mercy, Allah! Hey wait - isn’t that Lileks?

ALLAH: Oh Oh - the actual God!

LILEKS: Your combative bonhomie is amusing, in an ersatz-Ritz Brothers way; perhaps you will enjoy this latest sentence I wrote while preparing Gnat a bowl of Frankenberries.

ALL (reading): Oh no... it’s... funny... AND poignant... with references to Wally Cox... and Peruvian architecture! We are all puny and insignificant!

LILEKS: Frankenberries were introduced by General Mills in 1967. Gnat, Jasper, finish them off.

GNAT: Okie dokie Daddy!

ALL: Aiiieeee! The cuteness!

JASPER: Grrrrr...

CHOMPS: Nnn! Nnn! Nnn!

ALL: Hey look! It’s mega-super chucklegod Dave Barry!

DAVE BARRY: I just bought the internet, and I’m evicting all of you. I am not making this up.