EFL - Removed all actual news content to get to the meat.
But around the iron fist there did seem to be a softer velvet glove. Some new reforms even made us smile. For example, this year’s first ever beauty pageant to select Miss Prison Guard of All Russia, (or "Miss UIS", as it is in Russian.)
| Boy, that's the kind of entry that turns a resume to gold... |
It turned out that the Third Penal Colony’s very own Larissa Zelentsova had got through to the finals. A tall, beautiful blonde, she was summoned to describe to us her triumph: how she’d scored high marks in shooting from a pistol, correctly answered questions on the penal code, and proved her creativity by playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata on a synthesizer.
| I love multi-talented women. And how many women do you know who can answer questions on the penal code off the tops of their pretty blond heads? |
There was also a beauty parade. "No bikini,
only evening dress," she said.
"A sort of steely gray. Very austere," she added hastily.
Some men like the austerity thing - as long as her boots are knee-high, black and polished like a mirror.
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