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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Gorilla Escapes from Imperialist Oppressors |
| 2003-09-29 |
| A restless gorilla broke out of its zoo enclosure Sunday injuring a 2-year-old and a teenager before it was sedated and recaptured almost two hours later, according to zoo officials. The gorilla escaped from the Franklin Park Zoo minutes before the zoo was scheduled to close, according to Zoo New England CEO and President John Linehan. The gorilla injured the young girl and an 18-year-old woman almost immediately after escaping, Linehan said. A witness told police she later saw the gorilla sitting at a bus stop on a street near the zoo. This wouldn’t happen in California. They just passed a law permitting gorillas to get driver’s licenses. "We’ve had a very difficult evening, and we feel very badly about the adult and young child injured. We don’t know the extent of their injuries, but we think they’ll be OK," he said. The 5-foot, 300-pound adolescent gorilla escaped from its section of the Tropical Forest exhibit in August, but did not leave the exhibit grounds. Zoo officials installed electrified wires to keep the 11-year-old primate from escaping again, but on Sunday he managed to leave the zoo grounds entirely. "Needless to say, until further notice, he is not going to be on exhibit," Linehan said. |
| Posted by:eyeyeye |
| #9 This raises many questions. Where was he planning to go on the bus? Did he have fare? If so, where did he get it? Did he have outside help; say, from PETA? Will the retirement of noted ape-fighter Charlton Heston lead to an upsurge in simian subversion? Is the suspect an "enemy combatant", a POW, or just another victim of capitalist oppression? Does Gitmo have gorilla (as opposed to guerrilla) cages? Will the ACLU sue for his freedom if he is not charged in a timely manner? Inquiring minds want to know!! |
| Posted by: Atomic Conspiracy 2003-9-29 6:43:31 PM |
| #8 Dar, actually the quagmire is an entirely differnt habitat for the crocodiles on the West end of the zoo. |
| Posted by: Superhose 2003-9-29 2:50:30 PM |
| #7 Warren Zevon said this would happen someday. |
| Posted by: Mike 2003-9-29 1:04:08 PM |
| #6 Why are we sending troops to Afghanistan and Iraq when we have a guerrilla war here at home? Clearly the War on Terror is a failure! The guerrillas sure have gotten hairier... must be that Che Guevara influence. |
| Posted by: Dar 2003-9-29 12:03:42 PM |
| #5 To ensure that it would not happen again, did they, er, spank him? |
| Posted by: Chuck Simmins 2003-9-29 11:19:52 AM |
| #4 The gorilla was heading for Peshawr to join a jihad outfit. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2003-9-29 10:55:04 AM |
| #3 RC Too funny. Luckily Brachiating-Americans aren't on the profile list. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2003-9-29 10:36:01 AM |
| #2 Catching the bus to the nearest Starbucks. He knows that's where all the cute chicks hang out. |
| Posted by: Old Patriot 2003-9-29 10:24:02 AM |
| #1 Why'd the gorilla go to the bus stop? He knew he'd never make it past airport security. |
| Posted by: Robert Crawford 2003-9-29 9:47:28 AM |