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Fifth Column
Human shields arrive in Baghdad
2003-02-16
Squabbling peace activists were recovering from a chaotic overland journey yesterday after limping into Iraq aboard two London buses, a day late for the worldwide series of anti-war demonstrations.
"Damn! We missed 'em? Bummer, man!"
Three double-deckers, all crammed with "human shields", had set out from London on Jan 25 to reach Baghdad in time for the day of global protests. But only two of them, with 65 activists, including 18 Britons, made it to the Iraqi capital late on Saturday. The third was abandoned in Italy after breaking down. Everyone crammed aboard the others, one of which had to be dug out of snow drifts near Istanbul. Several activists dropped out on the way.
Beetlejuice!
The rest endured bitterly cold weather, illness, poor living conditions and a great deal of bickering. When they arrived at Iraq's border with Syria on Friday, Iraqi officials held them overnight, which made them miss Saturday's peace demonstration in Baghdad.
Beetlejuice!
"There were lots of group squabbles," said Benjamin Joffe-Walt, 23, an American paramedic. "Very few people knew each other. I did not know any of them and it was difficult to organise it. There were lots of different ideas on when to go to bed, how long to spend on the bus." The activists, aged from 20 to 68, slept in cheap hotels, youth hostels, tents or on the buses.
BEETLEJUICE!
Ken O'Keefe, their informal leader and a former American marine, burned his US passport and designed himself new travel documents proclaiming him a "Citizen of the World". As a result, he was detained in three countries. Mr O'Keefe has yet to arrive in Baghdad and Mr Joffe-Walt last heard of him in Syria.
"And I must say, sergeant, that this is the most lovely jail I have ever been in..."
A blonde Norwegian activist created a sensation in Turkey and her picture appeared on the front pages of several tabloids. A typical headline read: "Who would bomb this bosom angel?" Mr Joffe-Walt said: "It was not exactly the kind of coverage we were hoping for."
"Really. We respect her for her mind. The fact that she has great knockers that keep falling out of her busenhalter is just a side benefit..."
Peter Vandyke, a self-styled "reiki master and spiritual healer" from Portsmouth, drove a London taxi with the convoy.
The world needs more reiki masters. Iraq needs them especially. We should send all the reiki masters and spiritual healers to Iraq. Though I'll admit, last time I drank reiki, it did clear my sinuses...
He described the journey as "horrific" and said: "A lot of people are really sick. They have been sleeping on the buses in sub-zero temperatures."
A specially trained crew of CIA agents did that to them...
Mr Vandyke, 38, served in the Royal Navy for eight years and believes that there is no terrorist threat to Britain. Tony Blair was "deliberately terrorising his own people", he said.
"Nope. Nope. No terrorists. Just a figment of Tony's imagination."
Among the British contingent is a married couple, Helen and Kevin Williams, 34-year-old vegans from Newport, south Wales.
Married, are they? Splendid! I'm so happy to hear they still have married couples in Wales. Y'know, just the other day, I was in Pennsylvania, and I saw a married couple there, too...
They kept strictly to their diet throughout the bus journey. "It was very important to us," said Mrs Williams, who wore a T-shirt saying, "Animal Killers, close them down."
"Mmmm. These roots and berries are delicious, dear!"
"Thank you, darling. Would you like some more grass?"
"Yes, thank you. We should eat Korean food more often."

Mr Vandyke said the group would camp inside hospitals, schools, power stations and other buildings "needed for basic human living". He said the presence of vegans and spiritual healers would shield the buildings from harm if war broke out.
If nothing else, I'm sure the odor will keep the smarter bombs away.
Posted by:Fred Pruitt

#6  Can anyone take these people seriously unless they are naked for their demonstrations? I myself will donate some black and white paint to support their cause provided they paint giant bull's eyes over the bunkers where Saddam stores all those materials he denies having and then stand in the middle of it. Another bunch of useful fools. Hope Saddam's son meets the Norwegian lady. See how long she stays.
Posted by: TJ Jackson   2003-02-17 00:22:21  

#5  Were they issued chemical suits?
Posted by: Jon   2003-02-16 22:50:15  

#4  I have no idea what Reiki is. I always thought it was something Greeks drank... Or maybe it's the Turks. The Greeks call it ouzo, the Turks call it Reiki, and it clears your sinuses...
Posted by: Fred   2003-02-16 22:15:44  

#3  Heeyyyy Fred...
I practice Reiki, I'm considered a neo-Pagan, and I'm deeply religious.
That all said, if Sammy weren't a sociopath who delights in pain and murder I'd be 'praying' for him to be aware of all the blood on his hands.
Posted by: Dishman   2003-02-16 22:05:18  

#2  "....activists....slept in cheap ....youth hostels, tents or on the buses
How did Michael Jackson miss this opportunity??
(Oh wait...Ed.; my editing mistake)
Hope they post these targets shields near the NBC sites Iraq doesn't have
Posted by: Frank G   2003-02-16 21:40:22  

#1  Natural selection at its best!
Posted by: Tom   2003-02-16 20:08:04  

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