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Home Front: Politix

Terrified Biden Wanders Around The White House Wondering Where Obama Went

2021-03-21

[Babylon Bee] WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to anonymous sources, Biden was seen wandering the White House grounds this morning, desperately looking for President Obama.

"Barack! Barack! Where are ya, you ol' devil?" Biden yelled as he shuffled through the hallways in his bathrobe and slippers. "You can't hide from me, I know all the best hiding spots around here, you know that! Barack? Helloooo?"

After several minutes of fruitless searching, Biden got more agitated and uncooperative, aides say. At one point he bumped into Kamala Harris and asked for her help. "Michelle! Where's your husband Michelle? I need him real quick. Important meeting."

Amid increased calls for Democrats to show some humanity and help Biden step down and live out his remaining years peacefully, Press Secretary Jen Psaki said to the press: "Statements by these anonymous sources are completely false. The President is in perfect health and also has a fully functional brain."

"Also, there is no crisis at the border," she added. "But if there is, it's totally Trump's fault. No further questions at this time."

Posted by:Besoeker

#7 “He would only get naked when Jill was absent" - Scooter's Secret Service detail:

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, the agent asserted that, “We had to cancel the VP Christmas get together at the Vice President’s house because Biden would grope all of our wives and girlfriend’s asses.” The annual party was for agents and Navy personnel who were tasked with protecting the Biden family.

“He would mess with every single woman or teen. It was horrible,” the agent said.

According to the source, a Secret Service agent once got suspended for a week in 2009 for shoving Biden after he cupped his girlfriend’s breast while the couple was taking a photo with him. The situation got so heated, the source told Cassandra Fairbanks, that others had to step in to prevent the agent from hitting the then-Vice President.

Posted by: Albemarle Grumble2401 2021-03-21 14:31

#6 Photo is obviously shopped. Everyone knows Biden likes to play with his dogs while completely naked.
Also likes for kids to come up and rub his -er- hair...

Posted by: CrazyFool 2021-03-21 14:13

#5 ^👍

Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2021-03-21 13:34

#4 ^ within limits. The shock collar works

Posted by: Frank G 2021-03-21 08:24

#3 I don't believe he's allowed to wander around.

Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2021-03-21 08:02

#2

The problem with this story....

It is actually believable.

Posted by: NN2N1 2021-03-21 07:57

#1 Too easy. Bee should take a page out of RT and Putin's statements about Biden the Fool. Those are really funny.

Posted by: Caesar Gluque1319 2021-03-21 06:04

00:00