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| Amazon's New Lord Of The Rings Series To Include Bisexual Transgender Elf In Wheelchair |
| 2020-10-17 |
| [Babylon Bee] SEATTLE, WA‐According to a new announcement from showrunners, Amazon's new Lord of the Rings television series will include its first disabled bisexual transgender elf character. "Tolkien's story is a timeless and beloved epic, but let's face it, it was written by a white Catholic guy. Totally EW!" said Phinnix Glittervaux, a non-binary transgender writer for the show. "With any beloved cultural juggernaut like this, it's important that we hollow out its insides until it's just a shell before filling it with the post-postmodern political messages of our choosing!" In order to make Tolkien's masterwork "more accessible to modern audiences," Amazon's new show will feature a healthy dose of nihilism, nudity, and themes reflecting the latest woke politics. "It's time to have an honest conversation about the more problematic aspects of Tolkien's work," said Glittervaux. "Honestly, it's trash. We only hitched our wagon to it because it's a lucrative intellectual property we can cram our political messages into." In service of these guiding principles, showrunners have proudly introduced Middle Earth's first disabled bisexual transgender elf known as Idrix. "Idrix is a fascinating character. We will follow her as she navigates the rigid political structures of Middle Earth while facing discrimination, racism, and ableism," said Glittervaux. "To our knowledge, there aren't any other shows out there that explore important themes like this." When asked for comment, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos confirmed he doesn't care about what showrunners do with the thing as long as it makes money. "Also, make sure it has a lot of nudity and killing in it like that Game of Thrones show!" he said. Fans around the world are praying for Jesus to come back before the show is released. Heh! |
| Posted by:Mullah Richard |
| #8 Elves are already bisexual, they just don't ask and don't tell. |
| Posted by: rjschwarz 2020-10-17 20:12 |
| #7 And the ring isn't sized to be worn on your finger but your... |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2020-10-17 13:04 |
| #6 McSweeney; Internet Tendency back in 2002 had an article that concluded that the War of the Ring was actually caused by a cabal of Hobbitt pipeweeed merchants: UNUSED AUDIO COMMENTARY BY HOWARD ZINN AND NOAM CHOMSKY, RECORDED SUMMER 2002 FOR THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (PLATINUM SERIES EXTENDED EDITION) DVD, PART ONE by TOM BISSELL and JEFF ALEXANDER -- Parody Segment One of Four |
| Posted by: magpie 2020-10-17 12:41 |
| #5 Said Elf will have a child with a Dwarf, ushering in Hobbits and therefore saving the world. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2020-10-17 11:27 |
| #4 Cant beat the books. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2020-10-17 10:11 |
| #3 C'mon. You expect that kind of thing from elves, doncha? |
| Posted by: Mercutio 2020-10-17 08:46 |
| #2 Haven't see a LOTR based movie yet that wasn't garbage. |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2020-10-17 03:55 |
| #1 They'll still kickbox though, right? |
| Posted by: Helmuth, Speaking for Clunk3654 2020-10-17 01:18 |