[Babylon Bee] U.S.—Facing growing frustration from parents over prolonged school closures, the American Federation of Teachers has released a statement promising school will resume just as soon as all the public school teachers are done campaigning for Biden. "We realized that these prolonged school closures were a perfect opportunity to mobilize our 1.7 million-member union to get out the vote for Joe Biden," said AFT President Randi Weingarten. "Plus, the Biden campaign didn't have to pay them since they are already being paid a full salary with taxpayer dollars. It was a win-win for us!"
According to sources across the country, public educators have been dutifully going door to door to make sure they harvest every Biden vote they can before the November election.
"So if you're wondering why the schools still aren't open, that's why. We promise we'll start teaching your dumb kids again as soon as the important work of defeating Donald Trump is completed," Weingarten said.