| Submit your comments on this article |
| -Signs, Portents, and the Weather- |
| Gavin Newsom Says California Will Stay On Lockdown Until Scientists Discover Cure For Death |
| 2020-09-02 |
| [Babylon Bee] SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom has released new guidelines for California's counties looking to reopen their businesses, saying that counties may only begin to lift their lockdowns once a cure for death itself has been found. "Once we have beaten the last enemy, death itself, we can slowly begin to reopen over a 40-year period," Newsom said at a press conference Tuesday. "Counties that report even one death for any reason will be forced to keep closures in place indefinitely, until we have answered the eternal question of how to reverse aging and ensure no one can die ever." "We can't be too careful -- we must all cower in fear until death has been conquered." Newsom says acceptable markers for counties to slowly begin reopening would include discovering a mythical fountain of youth, inventing an immortality serum, or collecting all the Infinity stones to bend reality itself in order to end death itself. At publishing time, Newsom had clarified that, of course, his own winery would remain open regardless. |
| Posted by:Besoeker |
| #5 I hope there are a lot of Mickey Mouse sign-ins with Newsome's phone number. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2020-09-02 18:26 |
| #4 SAN DIEGO (KGTV) -- When entering most newly reopened businesses in San Diego County, customers will need to sign in with their name and phone number. The change only applies to businesses now offering indoor services; the county’s public health order was updated to reflect the changes now in effect for the following sectors: Hair Salons & Barbershops Personal Care Services Gyms & Fitness Centers Restaurants, Wineries, Bars, Breweries, and Distilleries that serve food. |
| Posted by: crazyhorse 2020-09-02 18:16 |
| #3 And he actually means the heat death of the universe. |
| Posted by: charger 2020-09-02 13:42 |
| #2 In the meantime,wife and I are getting our Senior Flu shots (Double dose).But we are not interested in the Covid vaccine. We both skipped the Hong Kong Flu vaccine in 1968 as we caught that flu before the vaccine was made. Yes,we believe that this article is true,at least in California. |
| Posted by: crazyhorse 2020-09-02 12:12 |
| #1 Unfortunately, this article is one of those that almost believable. I am beginning to be convinced that we will never see the end of the COVID restrictions.Governors and health commissioners are having too much fun playing the tyrant. |
| Posted by: Rambler in Virginia 2020-09-02 09:57 |