[Babylon Bee] U.S.—A new CNN poll released Monday found that Joe Biden was leading in several key battleground cemeteries.84% of the respondents said they would be voting for the Democratic challenger, while 2% said they would support incumbent Donald Trump. 14% just moaned, "BRAAAAAINS!" and reached their rotting arms out in front of them while shambling around looking for something, presumably brains.
"Biden has a real edge when we look at key battleground cemeteries all across the nation," said a visibly gleeful CNN anchor. "This is excellent news! Wait -- I'm not supposed to root for a side -- sorry, sometimes I forget. Anyway, good for Biden and I really hope he wins."
"This could be the end for Trump. The walls are closing in. This is the beginning of the end. He is done for. Kaput. The woman of significant size has begun to sing."
Some of the poll respondents then broke into CNN's studios and shambled around looking for brains but left emptyhanded.