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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Man Forced To Apologize For Whatever He Did In Wife's Dream Last Night |
| 2019-02-20 |
| Satire? Perhaps. [Babylon Bee] KANSAS CITY, MO‐After a lengthy dispute with his wife this morning, local man Lee Branscom expressed his great sorrow and regret over whatever he did in her dream last night that had her so ticked off at him, sources confirmed Tuesday. He attempted reasoning with her, using the "lame excuse" that he had no control over what dream Lee does, but after that failed, he resigned himself to apologizing for every action of the imaginary version of himself. "Honey, I know in your dream I hijacked a school bus, blew up the Empire State Building, and cheated on you with every other eligible woman in America, and for that, I am deeply sorry," he said, putting his arm around her. "What else did I do again? Well, whatever it was, I apologize." "I love you so much, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you in that way," he said. "I'm just not really sure you mean it," she replied. "You don't seem like you really regret telling me you're leaving me to join the UFC and then laughing as your head turned into a hot air balloon and you vomited out hundreds of 1-Up mushrooms and then disappeared down a green pipe." She insisted that Branscom list off each of the things his dream self did and apologize for them individually. |
| Posted by:Besoeker |
| #8 Personal favorite is being asked for an opinion, in a what is your opinion? form, when the decision is already made, mapped, diagrammed, and concluded. The real fun is when I can sniff out the trap, and purposefully take a devil's advocate position. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2019-02-20 11:47 |
| #7 Somehow correlated to the drop in fertility among males in western countries? |
| Posted by: Procopius2k 2019-02-20 11:41 |
| #6 For a long time when conflict broke out on the home front I would tell Mrs Cesare that she was approaching the frontier. Finally after a protracted difference of opinion, I told her she was right on the border. Never having asked before she demanded to know, Border of what exactly? I replied 'The Magical Land of I don't Care How Big Your F-ing Tits Are'. Ever since she has only probed the frontier seemingly to make sure that the border still exists. |
| Posted by: Cesare 2019-02-20 10:56 |
| #5 The did a funny bit on this in the TV show Flight of the Conchords. |
| Posted by: Iblis 2019-02-20 09:39 |
| #4 Many husbands have to do this also. Part of the pre-nups is an apology certificate. |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2019-02-20 08:48 |
| #3 Oh, this is satire? |
| Posted by: gorb 2019-02-20 08:35 |
| #2 Just get used to being wrong. It's easier that way. |
| Posted by: ed in texas 2019-02-20 07:41 |
| #1 That's just married life. You always apologize - especially if you've done nothing wrong. |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2019-02-20 01:19 |