[DailyNexus] Everyone likes to talk about sex, and growing up, virginity always seemed to take the spotlight. Sleepovers are riddled with questions like, "When will I lose my virginity?" or, "How did you lose your virginity?" These questions always plagued me, yet at the same time, they brought immense curiosity. As a queer woman, I have a lot of confusion and frustration with the word itself. Over time I've come to realize that virginity doesn't even exist; by definition, it refers to the first time someone has sex, but sex can mean different things to different people.
On the occasions that I have found myself in a circle of friends, talking about virginity or how we lost it, more than one of the stories always seem to end with some statement like, "It went in and out like three times and then we were done." Now, there is nothing wrong with this, and if both members felt like it was sex, then it was, because sex should be defined by the individuals.
My issues with this only come in when queer women who have had sex with other women are considered virgins simply because they've never been penetrated. My girlfriend has been called a virgin by our friends because they don't readily accept what we do as sex. So if my intimate experiences with my girlfriend are not sex, then neither is your "in and out three times on the fourth floor of the library." Ultimately, sex is culturally defined by the presence of a penis, or at least some form of penetration, and this is just wrong. |