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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Mayonnaise Is The Worst Condiment |
| 2015-10-04 |
| [THEFEDERALIST] There exists in this world a condiment below all others. It has all of the flavor of sawdust and the sublime texture of soap scum. Until recently, I was unaware that The Federalist, lovers of freedom, etc., was complicit in its spread. I rise today to defend America—nay, the world—against such scurrilous anti-food propaganda. As all Americans, especially Texans, know, mayonnaise is a tool of oppression used by communists and bland-food lovers everywhere. It is a form of mind control designed to cow you into a sense of complacency about life. Food has flavor, and mayo covers that flavor up. It destroys your ability to taste. What do you do to a food if it is too intense, and you’re not Texan? You add mayonnaise. In much the same way that salt is used to flavor food, mayonnaise is used to bland it. It is flavor’s anti-particle: it annihilates on contact. I might add that Brylcreme is much preferable as a hair dressing. |
| Posted by:Fred |
| #7 To paraph MOB-MOM-IN-HIDING MICHELLE PFFEIFER in 2014's "THE FAMILY" = GAAAWD, THE D **** FRENCH PUT CREAM/MILK ON EVERYTHING! |
| Posted by: JosephMendiola 2015-10-04 23:17 |
| #6 I love hearing food snobs, even when I agree with them. Home made mayo is excellent, if you have the nerve to eat raw egg. Off the shelf, the famous brand with the yellow based label works well. Now, how in the hell am I supposed to make a (meat) salad sandwich without mayo? IMHO I make a tuna salad so good people fall off their chairs. Just how in the world can I make a BLT without mayo? Ranch..maybe, but I want to taste the B&T, ranch would mask that. Mayo is an excellent way to add moisture back into a dry meat, such as charred hamburgers or 3 day old turkey in a turkey sandwich. I make a rocking Russian/1000 Island dressing, base is mayo. Aioli is mayo based. The abusers of mayo are the fast food restaurants, if what they are using is really mayo. Mayo on an Italian? get outta here. Now, why mayo? In the olde days when people had chicken coops, what do you do with all the eggs you didn't get eaten for breakfast? Letting them spoil was a waste of food when wasting food was not expensive, it was dangerous. Different solutions emerged to most efficiently consume those calories - adding egg to pasta, using egg as a wash for breading foods, (eggs in fried rice? my Eastern food history is choppy) and mayo as a sauce, especially back in the day when bread wasn't the neat uniform stuff we see today and it would dry out and have hard crust. Mayo quite literally improved regular peoples' diet and improved the standard of living. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2015-10-04 21:08 |
| #5 Dat impudent Texan dat sez Le condiment grand dit mynez Is vapid and joyless Is prolly po' boy-less. Bread, red, white, and brown (like da Prez)! Which is to say, the flavor/texture combo of baguette, hot sauce, mayo, and old school roast beef w. gravy may be the best thing ever ate. |
| Posted by: Zenobia Floger6220 2015-10-04 17:17 |
| #4 Les Sauvages Americaines. |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2015-10-04 17:17 |
| #3 Only with tuna salad and never on sundaes. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2015-10-04 16:55 |
| #2 Debbie Wasserface Shultz swears by it |
| Posted by: Frank G 2015-10-04 10:58 |
| #1 University of Texas at Dallas EWW! that explains the puerile mewling of the dain bramaged. Go Frogs. As a child when we wanted mayo on our burgers we asked for a California burger. Fun facts for all. |
| Posted by: AlmostAnonymous5839 2015-10-04 10:19 |