[An Nahar] Shocked doctors had to perform emergency surgery on a man in the Australian capital Canberra after he lodged a 10 centimeter (four-inch) steel fork inside his penis for sexual pleasure.Ow. Simply ow.
Hate to tell you this, but it's big news only if it was sideways...
The bizarre incident was considered so unusual that it was written up as a case report in a recent issue of the International Journal of Surgery.
"You guys gotta hear about this one!"
According to the paper "An Unusual Urethral Foreign Body," the 70-year-old arrived at the emergency department of Canberra Hospital with a bleeding penis "following self-insertion of a fork into the urethra to achieve sexual gratification".
"Is that a fork in your pee-pee, sir?"
"Yes. Yes! YESSS!"
It said he had put the dining fork inside 12 hours prior "for autoerotic stimulation" but it became stuck.
"[Sigh] That was fun. Painful, but fun. I guess I'd better put the fork back in the drawer with the others... [Tug!]... Hmmm... [Tug!]... Ow."
Baffled doctors called it a rare and unusual incident. The fork was not visible and "multiple retrieval methods were contemplated".
"What do you think, Doctor Casey?"
"I think we may have to blast. What do you think, Doctor Kildare?"
"Tongs and motor oil."
"Motor oil?"
"10W-40, at least."
"Good idea."
Success was achieved using forceps and "copious lubrication" and the man, who was put under general anaesthesia, was sent home.
Works every time.
It did not say when the incident occurred.
"The motives for insertion of a variety of objects are difficult to comprehend," the doctors said.
"Especially if you're male."
"This case warrants discussion given the great management challenge faced by the oddity and infrequency with which a fork is encountered in the penile urethra."
"Infrequency" = "Never heard that one before"
The paper said only a handful of foreign body insertions into the lower urinary tract had been detailed over the last nine years.
"The stilton cheese was perhaps the most unusual, but this one was right up there."
It went on to cite medical literature listing other strange objects found inside parts of the body, including needles, pencils, wire, toothbrushes, batteries, light bulbs, thermometers and plants and vegetables.
Like I was saying...
I'm gonna go lie down.
"The practice manifests primarily during states of pathological masturbation, substance abuse and intoxication and as a result of psychological compounders," the case study said.