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-Signs, Portents, and the Weather-
Scientists claim Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future
2009-10-19
SCIENTISTS claim the giant atom-smashing Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is being jinxed from the future to save the world.

In a bizarre sci-fi theory, Danish physicist Dr Holger Bech Nielsen and Dr Masao Ninomiya from Japan claim the LHC startup has been delayed due to nature trying to prevent it from finding the elusive Higgs boson, or "God particle".

They say their maths proves that nature will "ripple backward through time" to stop the LHC before it can create the God particle, like a time traveller who goes back in time to kill his grandfather.
Posted by:Oztralian

#26  "Many worlds," huh?? Any chance this LHC thingy can create a universe where instead of toiling away as a cube dweller, I'm a miscellaneous Rockefeller trust-fund baby who's married to Naomi Watts?
Posted by: Ricky bin Ricardo (Abu Babaloo)   2009-10-19 23:35  

#25  88 miles per hour and the Flux Capacitor can allow you to do some really wild sh!t, Professor.
Posted by: USN, Ret.   2009-10-19 23:22  

#24  

Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future


1. So is my bank account.

2. I first read it as "Hardon Collider" and wondered if it was an article about a San Francisco roller derby team.
Posted by: crosspatch   2009-10-19 22:12  

#23  Chemist, I think a strongly exothermic reaction is wanted here.

Feel better? ;-)
Posted by: trailing wife   2009-10-19 20:40  

#22   I think my brain just broke

I understood the theory, it's plain to me.
Posted by: Redneck Jim   2009-10-19 20:33  

#21  

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.

/It got away from me, yeah.
Posted by: Mizzou Mafia   2009-10-19 16:49  

#20  I think my brain just broke.
Posted by: Chemist   2009-10-19 16:46  

#19  I think what they are *trying* to say is a theory that the Higgs boson is (to some extent) "time and space independent", so efforts to create one in normal time and space will be stopped by the "greater" Higgs boson that exists elsewhere and is not inside the LHC.

This is not as dramatic as it sounds. An analogy is that you pick up a rock, but you can only see the rock, not the planet Earth it was resting on.

If it was just the rock, once you stop its momentum, its inertia should hold it in place. But because of the gravitational pull of the unseen Earth, for some reason the rock "on its own" develops momentum seemingly in violation of Newtonian law, as it is drawn to Earth.

If you could see the Earth, it would make perfect sense. And the same with the Higgs boson. If you could see the "greater" Higgs boson, which does not exist as such in this space time, and you try to drag a little bit of it into this space and time, the rest of it exerts influence on the little bit to prevent it from being pulled into normal space time.

That it exists in the future is speculative. It can also exist in the past. But in either case it has only limited existence and influence in normal space time.
Posted by: Anonymoose   2009-10-19 11:20  

#18  It's not the Higgs Boson that's the problem, guys. It's the Marx Bozon.
Posted by: mojo   2009-10-19 11:02  

#17  "BUT THAT WAS AN EXPENSIVE QUADRUPOLE FOCUS!"

"Yes. It was."
Posted by: Thing From Snowy Mountain   2009-10-19 10:16  

#16  I've been on-site all week and I haven't seen any aliens or time travellers.

CLANG! CLUNK!

"OK, WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS PAIR OF SUPERCONDUCTING MAGNETS?"
Posted by: Thing From Snowy Mountain   2009-10-19 10:15  

#15  Ah! so that explains what Adlene Hicheur was up to. An alien from the future, perhaps.
Posted by: tipper   2009-10-19 09:52  

#14  Sometimes I think that physics has deteriorated to a mathematical shell game (sort of like global warming models) where nothing can be predicted or demonstrated (see The Trouble with Physics by Dr. Lee Smolin re: string theory). Personally I'd suggest that physicists spend more time on some of the unanswered questions having to do with so-called simple phenomena like light and magnetism.
Posted by: AlanC   2009-10-19 09:31  

#13  He said buxoms...he he he
Posted by: BEAVIS   2009-10-19 08:28  

#12  Deacon, the difference between bosons and fermions is that bosons are not subject to the Pauli exclusion principle, so you can have indefinitely many in the same space. That's evidence for your argument.
Posted by: Eric Jablow   2009-10-19 08:24  

#11  I always thought a Boson was a particle that escaped the area around a stupid person. Rhis area is know as the Bozone. Once a Boson escapes it changes into a Moron. We have lots of evidence for this in Congress.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2009-10-19 07:48  

#10  In a bizarre non-sci-f theory JFM claims that aquavit and sake are preventing the discovery of Hoggs boson.

I'm not so sure of that JFM.
Posted by: Heisenberg   2009-10-19 07:28  

#9  Damn,I've been found out.
Posted by: Galactic Coordinator Pholush5475   2009-10-19 06:53  

#8  That seems unlikely. Now where'd I put that sonic screwdriver.
Posted by: Dr. Who   2009-10-19 06:35  

#7  I suspect the paper is a joke. On the other hand, if (1) an operating LHC would somehow kill us and (2) the 'many worlds' interpretation of quantum mechanics is correct, then we can only ever percieve a universe in which something happens to break the LHC, no matter how unlikely it is, because in all the universes in which it ran properly, we ceased to exist.
Or, I suppose, Hawking's Chronology Protection Conjecture may apply, if the LHC should in fact turn out to be a time machine. Virtual particles from the future will zip back to the moment at which the time machine first operates and quickly reach high enough energy to break something. Isn't that what the paper says?
Posted by: Grealing Turkeyneck2221   2009-10-19 05:38  

#6  Geek humour folks. But a remarkably large part of the MSM is treating it as authentic news.
Posted by: phil_b   2009-10-19 05:13  

#5  In a bizarre sci-fi theory, Danish physicist Dr Holger Bech Nielsen and Dr Masao Ninomiya from Japan claim the LHC startup has been delayed due to nature trying to prevent it from finding the elusive Higgs boson, or "God particle".

In a bizarre non-sci-f theory JFM claims that aquavit and sake are preventing the dicovzery of Hoggs boson.
Posted by: JFM   2009-10-19 04:31  

#4  Who's your DADDY! The Higgs boson particle, that's WHO. Lemme hear it - OH YEAH!
Posted by: Scooter McGruder   2009-10-19 04:29  

#3  Couldn't it just be that you people have no idea of what you're dealing with?
Posted by: g(r)omgoru   2009-10-19 02:38  

#2  "Time Traveler goes back in time to kill his Grandfather" > D *** NG IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW THATS WHY THEY CAME TO GUAM LONG BEFORE THEY WERE BORN!

Clearly these Lefty Liberal tendencies must come from their ANCESTRAL GREAT GRANDMOTHER'S TEN TIMES TEN ** 26 SIDE OF THE FAMILY!
Posted by: JosephMendiola   2009-10-19 01:51  

#1  Yokay, I'll bite, what did the future OWG-NWO's little widdle HADRON COLLIDER do that was really Really REALLY R-E-A-L-L-Y RRRRRREEEEEE
EEEEEELLLLLYYYYYY BAD, espec as vee STAR TREK:NG's NEXUS SUN/STAR-DESTROYING MISSLE???
Posted by: JosephMendiola   2009-10-19 01:45  

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