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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Petite Canadian Girl Attacks Soldiers Acting Like Sods, Wins |
| 2009-09-15 |
| A PETITE blonde knocked out a Coldstream Guard, hurled another into a disco sound deck and battered one of their wives at a dinner dance. Martial arts instructor Ashley Wolfe - who is just 5ft 3in - went berserk when male soldiers kissed and danced with each other, pretending to be gay. The 24-year-old Canadian, in a striking red satin dress, yelled "This should not be allowed in the British Army" - then went on a rampage, knocking over burly soldiers from the elite regiment like skittles. Greenwich JPs issued an international arrest warrant yesterday after Wolfe failed to show for a hearing. She was found guilty in her absence of two counts of common assault. Her attacks came when she went to a Christmas dinner dance for sergeants and officers of the Coldstream Guards at Woolwich Barracks, South East London, with her husband William, also a self-defence instructor. The couple teach a self-defence technique - devised by William - called Modern Defendo to soldiers all over the world. Their motto is: "It's Deeds Not Words That Count". The court heard Wolfe had been drinking heavily before confronting the larking soldiers. She first shoved Sgt Michael Fallows and stormed off. When Sgt Damian Holland joined the group of soldiers, she went back and hurled him into the sound system before flinging him to the ground. She then grabbed Sgt Holland around the neck, wrenched his tie and pulled him to the floor, before walking away. Sgt Holland's wife Joanne followed her. Joanne told the court: "I asked her what was wrong. She said 'don't mess with me - I'm a Canadian boxer'. Then she just hit me on the right side of my face. The bruising went all the way down my cheek." A brawl then erupted, during which Wolfe walked up to Sgt Fallowes and knocked him out with a SINGLE punch. Her hubby William was attacked and had the tip of his nose bitten off. Wolfe's claim to cops that she acted in self-defence was rejected by the court. When not engaged in unarmed combat, Wolfe loves firing guns at a range in Raleigh, North Carolina. After the case a source at the Coldstream Guard, who are set for Afghanistan, said: "The gay stuff was just a joke but the Canadian woman took it quite literally. "She may only be small, but she gave our guys quite a thumping. As well as the physical injuries, there were one of two bruised egos." |
| Posted by:Anonymoose |
| #8 And they had the nerve to press charges after being whumped by a little girl. Wusses. |
| Posted by: Skunky Glins**** 2009-09-15 23:28 |
| #7 Do not be fooled by petite size. I knew the skinny brown belt woman who was first to knock out a black belt man in the ring, before they prohibited women and men fighting in competition. As a black belt, she regularly fought men who outweighed her by 30-70 pounds *and* were wearing martial arts body armor (padded boxer headgear, chest plate, arm, leg, groin, foot, and mouthpiece.) They needed that gear. Even with that gear, her fists and feet were like getting shot by a .357 while wearing a bullet proof vest. You would still get some serious bruises. She eventually joined the USMC. |
| Posted by: Anonymoose 2009-09-15 21:18 |
| #6 Why does she have to go to Raleigh to shoot guns? Can't she shoot in Canada or the UK? Oh. Right. |
| Posted by: Rambler in Virginia 2009-09-15 19:05 |
| #5 I thought rum, sodomy and the lash were a British Navy thing. |
| Posted by: ed 2009-09-15 16:04 |
| #4 Holy Cannoli. Now that's what I call PMS. |
| Posted by: Zhang Fei 2009-09-15 15:58 |
| #3 I'd void her convictions if she agrees to serve a year in Afghanistan ... |
| Posted by: Steve White 2009-09-15 14:40 |
| #2 http://www.defendo.com/defendo_web_site.htm |
| Posted by: anonymous5089 2009-09-15 14:35 |
| #1 Her hubby William was attacked and had the tip of his nose bitten off. I reckon it's too late for the bit about noses and other people's business. |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2009-09-15 14:32 |