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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest Winners 2009 |
| 2009-06-30 |
| Grand Prize: "Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the "Ellie May," a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests." Other winners: "How best to pluck the exquisite Toothpick of Ramses from between a pair of acrimonious vipers before the demonic Guards of Nicobar returned should have held Indy's full attention, but in the back of his mind he still wondered why all the others who had agreed to take part in his wife's holiday scavenger hunt had been assigned to find stuff like a Phillips screwdriver or blue masking tape." "She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida the pink ones, not the white ones except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't." |
| Posted by:Anonymoose |
| #4 bah! I've written daily inspection reports worse than those. |
| Posted by: Frank G 2009-06-30 19:29 |
| #3 It was a dark and stormy night..... |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2009-06-30 18:28 |
| #2 I just got an alumni magazine and a guy named Garrison Spik was mentioned as a winner also. His entry: Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.N." |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2009-06-30 17:57 |
| #1 The third one is pretty funny. And I think it's meant to be. |
| Posted by: phil_b 2009-06-30 12:06 |