LOWELL, MA – The Lowell Spinners, Class A affiliate of the World Series Champion Boston Red Sox, announced today that this week’s upcoming homestand against the State College Spikes, a Pittsburgh Pirates affiliate, will salute both the sensitive nature of political correctness and incorrectness.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 23 – Political Correctness Night at LeLacheur Park. Returning for a second season, the Spinners will take measures to make sure nobody—including the players—leaves the ballpark offended. Players committing an error will not be identified for fear of hurting their feelings, and gender-neutral terms will be used to refer to the players, for example first baseperson instead of first baseman. Along the same lines, there will be no bat boy, but instead a bat person. Additionally the Spinners will make every effort to not demean anyone, referring to the shortstop as the “vertically-challenged stop.” In addition, bases will not be identified as first, second, or third, and will be treated equally without numerical ranking, the foul lines will be identified as fair lines and instead of having one fan of the game, every fan will be recognized as Fan of the Game. Finally, trophies will be handed out to each participant in between-innings promotions, which will be evenly matched for Title IX purposes, because there are no losers and everyone is a winner, where the contests will be evenly matched among genders for Title IX purposes. Lastly, the Spinners will be paying added attention to “Going Green” on Political Correctness night, encouraging fans to recycle and promoting carpooling and public transportation to the game, as well as a salute to Hybrids. For the July 23 game the first 250 fans, male or female, in attendance will receive Lowell Spinners potholders. Conversely, the following evening, only the first 250 females will receive the potholder.
THURSDAY, JULY 24 – Political Incorrectness Night at LeLacheur Park. One night after paying homage to the overly sensitive nature of being politically correct, the Spinners will go incorrect for the night. In addition to publicly identifying those players who commit errors, the Spinners will for one night create “Men Only” entrances to the ballpark and allowing only men to participate in the between-innings promotions. Furthermore, the first 250 women in attendance will receive pink Lowell Spinners potholders to use in kitchen while preparing dinner for their husbands. As a result, only females will take orders at the two main concession stands.The Spinners are also happy to provide napping areas for any senior citizens who feel the need to “rest their eyes” during the game. Cot stations will be set up on the concourse, available to any fans over the age of 60. The Spinners will continue their salute to the incorrect, offering complimentary gas cards to fans to encourage them to use as much gas as possible, including encouraging families to drive to the game separately. A tribute to gas guzzlers will include needlessly driving vehicles during each between-inning break. |