 LAHORE: Foreign elements hailing from Central Asian Republics (CAR) are disturbing peace in the Tribal Areas, Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani said on Sunday.
| Yeah, that's it. Furriners. Maybe Uzbeks. Maybe Lapplanders ... |
| Silly me. I thought it was Baitullah Mehsud, Mullah Fazlullah, and Ayman Zawahiri. How could I have been so wrong? |
Addressing a press conference at the State Guest House in Lahore, Gilani said that the foreign militants from CAR are behind the current unrest and spike in violence in the tribal belt.
| ... and not the peaceful locals, who're known for their colorful doilies and their annual cheese roll. |
Dismissing foreign pressure and involvement in the crackdown on militants in the Federally Administered Tribal Areas, the premier said that this is a provincial matter and the federal government acts on the invitation and advice of the province.
| The Frontier Corps has been so effective the feds haven't had to get involved ... |
The prime minister said that the NWFP provincial government had concluded a peace deal with tribal chiefs but they violated the agreement by hanging people publicly, kidnapping members of minority and by setting girlsÂ’ schools on fire.
| Shucks, you call that a violation? Mangal Bagh can show you violations ... |
| Besides which, under articles 51, 68, and 73 they're allowed to do that stuff as long as they have a mullah in attendance. |
| ... and they always have a mullah in attendance ... |
“No government can afford a parallel government and we will never compromise the country’s sovereignty, dignity and self-respect,” Gilani said.
| Unless the Indians kick your asses again ... |
| Or Baitullah scowls that special scowl of his that causes Gilani to have no-warning projectile diarrhea. |
The premier also said that the government was adopting a three-pronged strategy to counter militancy in the restive Tribal Areas: political dialogue, development in the region and use of force as a last resort.
| Satan's fork has three prongs. Just saying ... |
“Our priority is to resolve the tribal issue through political dialogue and development of the area and the last option is the use of force to ensure government’s writ in the Tribal Areas.” Gilani said the media’s role is pivotal in keeping the country calm and informed during such critical times. |