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| Caucasus/Russia/Central Asia |
| Top Ten Communist Jokes |
| 2008-06-21 |
| The winners of a contest by The Times (of London.) Some of these are older than dirt, and I'm sure Rantburgers can do better. But I did like this one: Stalin decides to go out one day and see what it's really like for the workers, so he puts on a disguise and sneaks out of the Kremlin. After a while he wanders into a cinema. When the film has finished, the Soviet Anthem plays and a huge picture of Stalin appears on the screen. Everyone stands up and begins singing, except Stalin, who smugly remains seated. A minute later a man behind him leans forwards and whispers in his ear: "Listen Comrade, we all feel exactly the same way you do, but trust me, it's a lot safer if you just stand up." |
| Posted by:Matt |
| #8 Three businessmen are rounded up and hauled before a Soviet Tribunal. The Prosecutor brings the first man before the Judge, and says: "Your Honor! This man is running a business and he makes a profit!" The Judge immediately replies: "Aha! A Capitalist! Five years in the Gulag!" Pleased with this outcome, the Prosecutor brings the second man before the Judge, and says: "Your Honor! This man is running a business and he is losing money!" The Judge has to think about this a few minutes, but he soon replies: "Well then! A a Wrecker of the Soviet Economy! Ten years in the Gulag!" The Prosecutor feels he is on a roll, so he brings the third man before the Judge, and says: "Your Honor! This man is running a business, but he is breaking even, without a profit or a loss!" The Judge seems perplexed, and has to think about this for a long while. After some deep deliberation, he announces: "I sentence you to fifteen years in the Gulag for delaying the course of Soviet Justice!" |
| Posted by: Herman Omusosing7573 2008-06-21 22:47 |
| #7 A Hungarian peasant is arrest for stealing a chick and agrees to his guilt before the communist judge. The judge hands the illIerate peasant the confession document to sign and in doing so the peasant marks the signature line with an âXâ and then hands the document back to the judge. The judge takes a look at the document and shouts, âYou idiot, I asked for your signature, not mine!â |
| Posted by: HammerHead 2008-06-21 19:07 |
| #6 In Soviet Union I was in Soviet Marines for a while. First they draft me, then they kick me out, because I got in trouble. In Soviet Marines they have a little ritual. They line you up and ask you, "Who is your mother?" And you are supposed to answer, "My mother is Soviet Union!" Then they ask you, "Who is your father?" And you are supposed to answer, "My father is Soviet Marine Corps!" Then they ask you, "And what do you want to be?" and you are supposed to yell, "A Marine!" Well, one morning, they line us up, and they ask us, "Who is your mother?" And I say, ""My mother is Soviet Union!" Then, "Who is your father?" And I say, "My father is Soviet Marine Corps!" "And what do you want to be?" And I say, "An orphan." |
| Posted by: doc 2008-06-21 18:10 |
| #5 There's a great documentary called "Hammer and Tickle" on this very subject. |
| Posted by: charger 2008-06-21 17:44 |
| #4 Meant "son" not "husband" ... sheesh. |
| Posted by: crosspatch 2008-06-21 16:19 |
| #3 I like the one where Gorbachev takes his mother to see his new dacha (country house). His mother was quite impressed with everything but pulled her husband aside and whispered "you better not let the Communists find out about this place". |
| Posted by: crosspatch 2008-06-21 16:17 |
| #2 man stand s for hours in a long line waiting to buy Vodka.Finally he is so frustrated he announces" I cannot stand this any longer . I am going to the Kremlin and kill Stalin." Twenty minutes later he is back to the end of the line. His friends say" waht happened" He says " that line is longer than this one." |
| Posted by: john morrissey 2008-06-21 13:47 |
| #1 In the same vein and told in many different ways: One day two armed revolutionaries are crossing a field that is being plowed by a peasant. Wanting to educate the peasant, the revolutionaries stop to talk to him: In our revolution, comrade, if a man has two cars, we take one car from him, give it to the man with no car; you get to keep one car. The peasant smile approvingly. The revolutionaries continue: So, we go to the man with two houses and we say to him: You have two houses, but you only need one. We take one house from him, give it to the man with no house, you get to keep one house. The peasant emits a joyous laughter. So, we go to the man with two chickens, we take one chicken from him, give it to the man with no chicken, you keep the keep one chicken. Suddenly the peasant has a perplexed look on his face. The revolutionaries are perplexed as well. "Pardon me, comrade, but I thought you understood our revolution, didn't you?" "I have two chickens." |
| Posted by: badanov 2008-06-21 12:26 |