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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Austria Court: Chimp Is Not a Person |
| 2008-01-16 |
| With the wisdom of Solomon... VIENNA, Austria (AP) — A chimpanzee cannot be declared a person, Austria's Supreme Court has ruled, activists said Tuesday. An animal rights group had sought to have the chimp, Matthew Hiasl Pan, declared a person in hopes of gaining guardianship of the animal. Don't worry, Matthew. This isn't over yet. Oooo-ooooo-ooooo-ooooo-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa... The shelter where Matthew has lived for 25 years is going bankrupt, threatening to leave him homeless. Hey, buddy? Ya got a banana? Donors have offered to help support him, but under Austrian law, only a person can receive personal gifts. The Vienna-based Association Against Animal Factories sought to have him declared a person and petitioned to be appointed Matthew's trustee. We'll do stuff for him. Like, manage his bank accounts and...manage his bank accounts. Y'know, stuff like that... But the high court upheld a September ruling by a judge in the town of Wiener Neustadt rejecting the petition, the group said Tuesday. Ummmmmm, boys and girls? He's a monkey. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but...he's a monkey. The rights group said it would take the case to the European Court of Human Rights. Would probably have a better chance if they take it to the European Court of Chimpanzee Rights, but it's Europe, so who knows... Matthew and another chimp at the shelter, Rosi, were captured as babies in Sierra Leone in 1982 and smuggled to Austria for use in pharmaceutical experiments. Customs officers intercepted the shipment and turned the chimps over to the shelter. Organizers said they may set up a foundation to collect donations for Matthew, whose life expectancy in captivity is about 60 years. But they argue that only personhood will ensure that he isn't sold outside Austria. ...along with all those nice donations. |
| Posted by:tu3031 |
| #2 "The shelter where Matthew has lived for 25 years is going bankrupt, threatening to leave him homeless." A homeless animal huh? That has to be the most assnine* concept I've heard in a long time. *My apologies to all my equine brothers and sisters for comparing them to an Associated Press reporter. |
| Posted by: DepotGuy 2008-01-16 14:17 |
| #1 I'll finally get some sleep now that's been settled. |
| Posted by: Broadhead6 2008-01-16 13:35 |