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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Court won't declare chimp a person |
| 2007-09-27 |
| Those bastards! VIENNA, Austria - He's now got a human name — Matthew Hiasl Pan — but he's having trouble getting his day in court. Animal rights activists campaigning to get Pan, a 26-year-old chimpanzee, legally declared a person vowed Thursday to take their challenge to Austria's Supreme Court after a lower court threw out their latest appeal. Even though it's Austria, I'll bet this judge is one of those right wing Bush recess appointments... A provincial judge in the city of Wiener Neustadt dismissed the case earlier this week, ruling that the Vienna-based Association Against Animal Factories had no legal standing to argue on the chimp's behalf. Here's an idea. Have the chimp argue his own case. That makes about as much sense... The association, which worries the shelter caring for the chimp might close, has been pressing to get Pan declared a "person" so a guardian can be appointed to look out for his interests and provide him with a home. Here's an idea. It's called a "zoo"... Group president Martin Balluch insists that Pan is "a being with interests" and accuses the Austrian judicial system of monkeying around."It is astounding how all the courts try to evade the question of personhood of a chimp as much as they can," Balluch said. Yes, astounding! I wonder if they'd take as long on a compentency hearing for Martin? A hearing date for the Supreme Court appeal was not immediately set. We'll...get back to you. Oh...soon. The legal tussle began in February, when the animal shelter where Pan and another chimp, Rosi, have lived for 25 years filed for bankruptcy protection. Activists want to ensure the apes don't wind up homeless if the shelter closes. Both were captured as babies in Sierra Leone in 1982 and smuggled in a crate to Austria for use in pharmaceutical experiments. Customs officers intercepted the shipment and turned the chimps over to the shelter. Well, what about Rosi? What are yas, sexists? Their upkeep costs about euro4,800 (US$6,800) a month. Donors have offered to help, but there's a catch: Under Austrian law, only a person can receive personal gifts. ...hence the term "person"al... Organizers could set up a foundation to collect cash for Pan, whose life expectancy in captivity is about 60 years. But they contend that only personhood will give him the basic rights he needs to ensure he isn't sold to someone outside Austria, where he's now protected by strict animal cruelty laws. Ahhhhhh. Now it all makes sense... In April, a district court judge rejected a British woman's petition to be declared Pan's legal guardian. That court ruled that the chimp was neither mentally impaired nor in danger, the grounds required for an individual to be appointed a guardian. ...and he's a...chimp. In dismissing the Association Against Animal Factories' appeal this week, the provincial court said only a guardian could appeal. That doesn't apply in this case, the group contends, since Pan hasn't gained a guardian. ...because he's a...chimp. There is legal precedence in Austria for close friends to represent people who have no immediate family, "so he should be represented by his closest friends, as is the case," said Eberhart Theuer, the group's legal adviser. "On these grounds we have appealed this decision to the Supreme Court in Vienna," he said. What's on the docket, Manfred? Well, your honor, there's the treaty issue, the currency devaluation issue, and the chimpanzee they want declared a person. Ooooh! A monkey! Is he here? Until this summer, the chimp was known simply as Hiasl. However, in the latest court documents, he was identified with a little more dignity — if not humanity — as Matthew Hiasl Pan, with the last name derived from "chimpanzee." Awwwwww...how cute. The Association Against Animal Factories points out that it's not trying to get Pan declared a human, but rather a person, which would give him some kind of legal status. Oh. Well. Person. Human. Big difference. Why didn't ya say that right up front? Otherwise, he is legally a thing. And with the genetic makeup of chimpanzees and humans so strikingly similar, it contends, that just can't be. Here's an idea. Make the monkey their guardian. "The question is: Are chimps things without interests, or persons with interests?" Balluch said. "A large section of the public does see chimps as beings with interests," he said. "We are looking forward to hear what the high court has to say on this fundamental question." As a "being with interests", I'd be real interested in these folks getting a severe dope slapping... |
| Posted by:tu3031 |
| #7 Too bad Austrians didn't even show this much concern for the Jews back in 1938. |
| Posted by: Zenster 2007-09-27 21:04 |
| #6 D *** NG IT, how can BIGFOOT be ENKIDU now, ala EPIC OF GILGAMESH! |
| Posted by: JosephMendiola 2007-09-27 20:00 |
| #5 $6,800 a month for maintenance? There are ex-wives who don't get that. Like, most of them. With kids. I don't know about Vienna, but six large a month lets you live pretty well in most places. I'd say the West has some twisted set of priorities, but then, I already knew that. |
| Posted by: Steve White 2007-09-27 17:15 |
| #4 Speaking of apes trying to be human: Big gorilla at the L.A. Zoo Snatched the glasses right off my face Took the keys to my BMW Left me here to take his place I wish the ape a lot of success I'm sorry my apartment's a mess Most of all, I'm sorry if I made you blue I'm betting the gorilla will too They say Jesus will find you wherever you go But when He'll come looking for you, they don't know In the meantime keep your profile low Gorilla, you're a desperado --Warren Zevon, "Gorilla, You're a Desperado" |
| Posted by: Mike 2007-09-27 12:29 |
| #3 I made a Freudian slip in the site name in the link above. It is actually called the "Great Ape Project". |
| Posted by: Delphi 2007-09-27 12:18 |
| #2 Great Ape Protection Project |
| Posted by: Delphi 2007-09-27 12:14 |
| #1 But Hiasl's best friend is a chimp named Rosi. They'd have to get her declared a person before she could take on his guardianship and appeal the decision. A quandary. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2007-09-27 11:36 |