 The Blackberry breakup of Britney Spears and soon-to-be-ex-husband Kevin "Loser" Federline was caught on video by a crew from Canada's MuchMusic channel that had been covertly following Fed-Ex on the road to Dumpsville. After receiving a text message that read: I H8 U, loser! Federline, 28, became visibly upset, removed his microphone and left for a half hour before returning to finish an interview. "He had no idea it was coming," a Federline pal told The Post. "In fact, he had been looking into a possible divorce. She beat him to the punch."
But sources familiar with the couple's marital problems say the the writing was on the wall.
"He knew what was happening," said a music-industry insider who has worked with K-Fed. "They were separated for months."
| Not more than eleven months though ... |
In fact, Federline has been lamenting that she was holding him back. "I will never make it big as long as I am with Brit -- I will always be Britney Spears' husband," the insider quoted K-Fed as saying.
| Ummm... There was nothing holding you back before you became Mr. Britney Spears, was there? |
| Household name back then, he was ... |
The source said Spears, 24, attempted to prolong the doomed union through the launch of Federline's new album out of pity.
"Ms. Spears? Your puppy's whining. I think he's unhappy."
"Well, give him a bone, Maurice. That always makes him feel better."
"Yes, Ms. Spears. Yer husband's whining, too, y'know."
"Oh. Him. Ummm... Launch an album for him."
"Might I say you are the soul of kindness, Ms. Spears?"
"Why, thank you, Maurice!" |
"It's about time," someone close to Spears told the upcoming issue of People. "During the whole pregnancy, they had problems. She tried to support him as much as she could, but at the end of the day, she realized it wasn't best for her and her children [to stay]."
| "I mean, here were are, in the finest house trailer in Beverly Hills, but it's still... ummm... a trailer house." |
Only three weeks after Spears gave birth to Jayden, Federline and his entourage flew to Las Vegas and booked tables at the club Tao for at least two straight nights...
| Boy, wotta resume entry: "Member, Fed-ex entourage..." |
and were seen "surrounded by women, drinking a lot and dancing on the banquette," a source told Page Six at the time. "But every time one of the girls tried to take a picture, he freaked out and wouldn't let them."
| Smart enough not to get get photographed, not smart enough to stay home and entertain the little woman... |
One day after Spears filed for divorce from husband Federline, the rapper responded on Wednesday with court papers seeking spousal support and custody of their two children.
| "Yeah, sure. I can provide a better home than her. All I need is a little money." |
Fed-ex submitted his response in Los Angeles Superior Court, the same courthouse where Spears suddenly filed for divorce on Tuesday after two years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences.
"Yer honor, I need a divorce!"
"On what grounds?"
"He's a dipshit!"
"We object, yer honor!"
"On what grounds?"
"She's a dipshit, too! If they're both dipshits, then it ain't irreconcilable differences! It's in the Californy civil code someplace! You could look it up!" |
The court papers show that Spears and Federline were prepared to fight over custody of the children in what could be a bitter divorce proceeding.
"It is not in the Californy civil code!"
"Is, too!"
"Is not!"
"Liar!"
[Thump!]
"Oops! I did it again!" |
According to the Sun, Britney and Kevin had a bitter row before Kevin's performance for the West Hollywood Halloween Carnival last Tuesday, which ended with Britney screaming at him "You're useless -- you're a nobody!"
| "I was a nobody when you met me!" |
After she stormed out, Kevin was spotted kneeling and crying in a corner.
| "Oh, my gawd! All that money! Gone!" |
But he doesn't appear to be crying now, instead Federline is advertising his new status, letting the ladies know he may still be married, but he's available. At Chicago's House Of Blues on Wednesday night, he told the crowd: "Hey, I see a lot of fine ladies in here. You know I'm a free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?"
"No! You're a dipshit!"
"I wonder if Paris Hilton's seeing anyone?" |
| And on today's Drudge Report: |
PAPER: BRITNEY SEX TAPE BLACKMAIL... Worried Britney Spears is being held to ransom over an explicit four-hour sex video she made with her dumped hubby... "Here y'are. That'll be twenty bucks!"
"Yer sure this is the one where you made her preggers?" |
|