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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Top Ten Signs Your Barber Is Working For Al Qaeda |
| 2005-10-18 |
| From The Late Show with David Letterman 10. "You change part in your hair, that night it's top story on Al Jazeera" 9. "Instead of small talk about sports, it's small talk about streets flowing with Zionist blood" 8. "Customers pay with cash, credit card, or goat" 7. "Disinfects his combs in a jar of sarin gas" 6. "When he makes a mistake, says, 'Ah, the turban will cover that'" 5. "Got his license at the Al Masadah Barber School and Training Camp" 4. "Manicures are done by sister, Tammi Bin Laden" 3. "During haircut he shouts, 'Death to uneven sideburns!"" 2. "His protein-infused deep-conditioning creme rinse? Hummus" 1. "CIA picking up lots of 'chatter' about your dandruff" |
| Posted by:Steve |
| #2 Or to be more precise instead of a haircut its your head! |
| Posted by: Bardo 2005-10-18 22:48 |
| #1 Barber: H-h-how would you like it sir? Customer: Just short back and sides. Barber: How do you do that? Customer: Oh, you know, just short back and sides. Barber: It's not a... a razor cut, RAZOR CUT BLOOD ARTERY MURDER SPUrt.. arr... Customer: No, just ordinary short back and sides, you know... Barber: It's just s-s-s-scissors then... Customer: Yes. Barber: You wouldn't rather forget all about it? Customer: What? Barber: You wouldn't prefer to have it just combed? Customer: Oh, no.. I want something cut off! Barber: Cut, CUT HEART HITCHCOCK MURDER BLOOD PSYCHO HOMICIDE SPURT ARTERY TREMOR CORTEX Arrrgg...! (The barber fakes a few quick snips.) Barber: There, finished. Customer: I beg your pardon? Barber: I've finished cutting, cutting, CUTTING, CUTTING YOUR HAIR! Customer: Well, you haven't even done any cutting yet. Barber: All right, I confess I didn't cut your hair. I hate hair. I-I I can't bear cutting it. I have this uncontrolable fear whenever I see hair. My mother said I was a fool! She said the only way to overcome my fear would be to become a barber. So you know what I did? I spent four ghastly years at the hairdresser's training center in Topness. I didn't want to be a barber. I wanted to be... A *TERRORIST*! [cue music] I'm a terrorist and I'm okay I sleep all night and I bomb all day [chorus] He’s a terrorist and he’s okay He sleeps all night and he bombs all day [terrorist] I cut down crowds, I make bomb vests I go to the lavatory On Ramadan I go shopping For lots more IEDs [chorus] He cuts down crowds, he makes bomb vests He goes to the lavatory On Ramadan he goes shopping For lots more IEDs He’s a terrorist and he’s okay He sleeps all night and he bombs all day [terrorist] I mow down Shiites, I hoist my rump And say five daily prayers I’ll put on women’s clothing and hang around in mosques [chorus] He mows down Shiites and hoists his rump And says five daily prayers He’ll put on women’s clothing and hang around in mosques He’s a terrorist and he’s okay He sleeps all night and he bombs all day [terrorist] I hijack planes, I wear silk hose A burkha and a bra I like goats instead of girlies, just like my dear pappa [chorus] He hijacks planes and wears silk hose A burkha and a bra He likes goats instead of girlies, just like his dear pappa He’s a terrorist and he’s okay He sleeps all night and he bombs all day! [With apologies to Monty Python] |
| Posted by: Zenster 2005-10-18 22:23 |