| Submit your comments on this article |
| Iraq-Jordan |
| Driving Rules in Bahgdad - By an average Iraqi |
| 2005-09-19 |
| Driving Rules in Baghdad I just got this in an email from a friend of mine, I liked it very much, so I translated it then posted it, I think anyone who has been to Iraq will like it very much: When you are driving your car in Baghdad, you will treat all other drivers as your enemies, and you will be treated likewise. Except for the US forces and their tanks of course, but still you will be treated as an enemy. You must not use any turning signal, whether it is a flasher, or hand signal, because that will reveal your intentions to the enemies, if the situation gets desperate, give a signal for a left turn, then turn right, and whatever happens let it be. Pedestrians are obstacles in your way, don't care about them and don't even look at them. But.. You must not hit, or roll over any one of them, unless you are ready financially to face the consequences. Use the following principle when driving in Baghdad: "If your car is old, then anyone who wants to keep his car better step out of the way, but if your car is new, then stay away from the old cars because they are ruthless enemies, and their drivers are looking for a way to get some financial support" When you enter a "turn-around" you must not look to your left at the cars coming from the other direction, because if you look at them, this means that you are paying attention to them, and thus you must give them some space to move, and thus loosing one your new rights after the war When you are in a traffic jam, you will follow this rule "The first one to hit his car from forward....Gets to pass". But do not use this rule with busses, in fear for your fenders, and the bus driver won't even notice that you have hit him. And of course don't use it with the US army vehicles, in fear for your life... When driving slowly, don't leave any space between your car and the car in front of you, because leaving such space will mean that another car might squeeze in this place, and that will cost you your dignity, according to the current standards. When driving fast, you must stick to the car in front of you, so that the driver ahead will notice you then one of those three things will happen: 1. if the driver is very polite, or a coward, he will give you the lane to go past him, and then you have made a victory and you behold the right to look down at him while you pass him. 2. if the driver is not very polite, he will give you the lane to go past him, but you might hear some words containing animal names, and some other words also, you should have anticipated that, and your answers must be prepared. 3. if the driver is not polite at all, which is what most drivers are, he will not give you the lane, and he will start slowing down, forcing you to slow down too, and then there might start a small war in fire arms, so you must pass him from the right or you will lose that battle. |
| Posted by:RG |
| #19 PJ O'Rourke had a great piece about driving in Saudi Arabia; nothing but straight ahead paved highway and STILL Saudis managed to roll over in Chevy Caprices! When I'm in Boston, it's gas and the horn, gas and the horn. |
| Posted by: JDB 2005-09-19 21:32 |
| #18 My ex-boybriend used to claim that "Stop signs with white lines around them are optional." |
| Posted by: Seafarious 2005-09-19 19:36 |
| #17 When we lived in Boston we were convinced they had adopted straight turn on red. |
| Posted by: Mrs. Davis 2005-09-19 19:19 |
| #16 Once drove a rental car from New Hampshire to Logan. When I reached the rental agency parking lot, I had to pry my fingers off the steering wheel. No tanks though. |
| Posted by: DMFD 2005-09-19 19:12 |
| #15 Lol... Are you guys really sure you wanna compare traffic in the US with any ME locales? I'll admit that on the highways around Sammy Dago there seems to be a "rule" that you can't change just one lane at a time, 2 or more is req'd... But picture cresting a hill on a freeway at 130 kmh to find a forklift in your lane less than 100m ahead trundling along about about 5kmh. Or, same situation, you crest a hill to find a guy backing up on the freeway, using both of the 2 right-hand lanes, cuz he missed his exit? At night. His lights off. Or that stop signs merely mean honk, not stop. Streetlights and lane marks being "guidelines" and the hood ornament is an aiming reticule - 2 lanes commonly reduced to one - and some guy in a car that's never been inspected, count on it. Or some guy who wants to turn right comes up to an intersection with a red light to find someone stopped in the right lane - but the left lane's clear so he goes over there and turns right across everyone and trying to merge into the crossing traffic. And the opposite (picture this) when a guy wants to make a U-turn - and he doesn't want to wait for the light - turning INTO the crossing traffic. Or people who don't just double-park - they triple-park - almost completely blocking streets. Sometimes they're considerate - they leave the car running... they explain that's so you can move it if you need to get by. Your problem. Everyday. Third-World Physics is what we used to call it. 2 solid objects can, indeed, occupy the same space simultaneously. They drag these "proofs" to the side of the street and leave them there... sometimes forever, I guess, since I can recall one wreck which was on a street near my apartment for the entire year I was in Saudi on my first tour. |
| Posted by: .com 2005-09-19 19:08 |
| #14 Have any of you ever driven in downtown Oakland, CA? Baghdad's traffic sounds like no BFG. Oakland's a war zone. I Don't know about any "Christian vs. Muslim" mindset thing but I PRAY evertime I have to go down there! |
| Posted by: Secret Master 2005-09-19 18:39 |
| #13 This is a classic thread. I've spewed Coke twice reading these comments. |
| Posted by: Mizzou Mafia 2005-09-19 17:06 |
| #12 and when you crash into your destination, you're there. Worked for Teddy |
| Posted by: Steve 2005-09-19 14:24 |
| #11 Wow! Didn't realize there were so many people that have driven up here!! The primary rules of Boston traffic (based on more than 30 years experience) are similar, but shorter. 1) He who makes eye-contact cedes the right of way 2) Directionals are optional and used only for dis-information purposes. 3) Red lights are discretionary 4) Oldest car wins 5) Break-down lanes are those with the highest average speed |
| Posted by: AlanC 2005-09-19 14:24 |
| #10 God, what a much of wimps! It's easy to drive up here. You just get in your car, aim it where you want to go, accept no deviations from the route, and when you crash into your destination, you're there. |
| Posted by: tu3031 2005-09-19 13:57 |
| #9 I spent almost 2 years working in Boston. One of those years was spent trying to get out of a round-a-bout. |
| Posted by: Deacon Blues 2005-09-19 12:01 |
| #8 I flew into Logan on a business trip. My coworker highly recommended taping the rental agreement on the window so all knew I was not to underestimated. |
| Posted by: BrerRabbit 2005-09-19 10:31 |
| #7 Ahh, here you are RG, I knew I read that name somewhere else. I'm really glad someone liked the joke.. This is a good analogy between the difference in the American Christian-esque mindset v/s the Muslim mindset. Love your neighbor and do unto others - v/s leaving such space will mean that another car might squeeze in this place, and that will cost you your dignity, according to the current standards. Let me get this straight.. Instead of LAUGHING you are, what, I don't understand what you are trying to prove here.. |
| Posted by: Hassan Kharrufa 2005-09-19 10:13 |
| #6 "...except for the part about the tanks..." Don't be too sure, Steve: http://www.digitaljournalist.org/issue0309/images/life/dukakis.jpg |
| Posted by: Darrell 2005-09-19 09:07 |
| #5 I pray they don't develop Boston's politics too. Has Tater ever driven a car off a bridge? Can you imagine him with another 100 lbs and a red nose? |
| Posted by: Mrs. Davis 2005-09-19 08:41 |
| #4 When you are driving your car in Baghdad, you will treat all other drivers as your enemies, and you will be treated likewise. Except for the US forces and their tanks of course, but still you will be treated as an enemy. This is a good analogy between the difference in the American Christian-esque mindset v/s the Muslim mindset. Love your neighbor and do unto others - v/s leaving such space will mean that another car might squeeze in this place, and that will cost you your dignity, according to the current standards. |
| Posted by: 2b 2005-09-19 08:38 |
| #3 Hell, this is the rules for the road in Massachusetts, except for the part about the tanks. (I see a lot of other people here have driven in the lovely Peoples Commonwealth as well) |
| Posted by: Steve 2005-09-19 08:37 |
| #2 Sounds a lot like Boston. Or Rome. |
| Posted by: Jackal 2005-09-19 08:30 |
| #1 Ah. So we've been teaching Iraqis the Boston Method of driving. Wonder if we're teaching them to drive 90 mph on the shoulder, too... |
| Posted by: Dave D. 2005-09-19 08:28 |