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| Bush Amends Energy Bill to create Republic of Eastern Arabia (sorta) |
| 2005-07-29 |
| Yeah, it's Scrappleface, heh. Bush Energy Bill: Defeat the Arabs, Take Their Oil (2005-07-26) -- The Bush administration today unveiled revisions to the energy bill, currently moving through Congress, designed to decrease U.S. dependency on foreign petroleum. Under the terms of the amended legislation, the United States would "defeat the Arabs and take their oil." Without such an amendment, the current energy bill would only slow the increase in U.S. dependency, which is projected to exceed 68 percent of domestic consumption by the year 2025. Americans now get about 58 percent of their fossil fuels from other nations, almost all of which is burned in Sport Utility Vehicles during trips to children's soccer practices. Although the White House plan would not change the global oil distribution infrastructure, it would colonize Saudi Arabia as a U.S. territory, moving Saudi oil into the "domestic production" column. "I don't know why we didn't think of this before," said an unnamed White House spokesman. "After we invaded Iraq and got all of its oil we should have just turned the troops south and headed for Riyadh." Democrats in Congress immediately spoke out against the amendment, saying that annexing Saudi Arabia would make the U.S. responsible for the environmental devastation that oil drilling causes to the habitats of sand-based creatures. "The horrors of ANWR pale in comparison," said one unnamed Senate Democrat, referring to Bush administration plans to eliminate the caribou herd by drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge. "In Saudi Arabia, we're talking about terrorizing desert snails, geckos and jerboa. Their blood would be on our hands." Scott Ott, heh. |
| Posted by:.com |
| #6 Every day the news gets more like ScrappleFace and ScrappleFace gets more like the news. By 2006 ScrappleFace will be total fact and the NYT will be total fiction. Of course the NYT is making the most progress in that direction so far. |
| Posted by: Neutron Tom 2005-07-29 14:28 |
| #5 A Thought before laughing-- Scott Ott's comedy pieces have a weird way of coming true when least expected. Interesting times, indeed. |
| Posted by: N guard 2005-07-29 13:54 |
| #4 Nah - we'd be happier if you went somewheres else. We just want the oil. |
| Posted by: mojo 2005-07-29 11:51 |
| #3 More likely this gets picked up by some Middle East "news" service and get's disseminated as official US policy. The Infidels want to enslave us! |
| Posted by: tu3031 2005-07-29 10:59 |
| #2 More precision-guided humor from Mr. Ott. Those wankers at Jihad Unspun can only dream of authoring such ruthless mirth. With any luck, Dan Rather or someone at the UN will pick up this 'story' and run with it. |
| Posted by: SteveS 2005-07-29 10:52 |
| #1 We can dream :) |
| Posted by: djohn66 2005-07-29 08:48 |