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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| The Way of The World (The ’fabled’ Kerry Economic Plan Explained) |
| 2004-04-07 |
| Subject: The Ant and the Grasshopper OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself! MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It’s Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake. Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood. MORAL OF THE STORY: What? What’s a "moral"? Morals sound like judgemental statements made by "the man" and his minions. We’re free. We don’t allow such crude harmful divisions anymore, man. Up with everyone! Down with morals! And take those "values" and "rules" with you too, you fossils! Die! We’re Free! |
| Posted by:.com |
| #11 SH - That's prolly in Jesse's version of "We Shall Overcome"... |
| Posted by: .com 2004-04-08 1:53:43 AM |
| #10 .com, shouldn't there be a part where the ant gets called a cockroach? |
| Posted by: Super Hose 2004-04-08 1:18:10 AM |
| #9 well, you can defend the site, no doubts - just got off the phone with Alaska Paul (always informative, but no fatwas tonite), and I've gotta get dinner served - nite! Frank |
| Posted by: Frank G 2004-04-07 11:13:58 PM |
| #8 NMM's a trip. When he shows up he drops a turd every 5 minutes, +/- 3, like a rabbit. Check the posting times - I think he's due for another colon spasm about now... ;-) |
| Posted by: .com 2004-04-07 11:10:14 PM |
| #7 oh yeah, I'm all empathy.... |
| Posted by: Frank G 2004-04-07 11:06:57 PM |
| #6 Frank - You feel his pain, too - I can tell! ;-> |
| Posted by: .com 2004-04-07 11:03:02 PM |
| #5 You are really hung up on pedophilia. Have you seen a specialist, yet? I can recommend a Federal Corrections Officer or FBI Agent, if you need a referral. As for the source of the fable, you're just a fount of pointlessness, aren't you! All of us have acces to Google, 'tardo. As for why I posted it, well I heard Skeery explain his "economic plan" today. I finally stopped laughing when I realized it was late in the Rantburg Day and would be a good time to post a slightly different fable than his asinine joke. BTW, why haven't you offed yourself, yet? It obviously really sucks to be you and a normal person in your state of disrepair, er, despair would've eaten Drano, by now. |
| Posted by: .com 2004-04-07 11:00:53 PM |
| #4 the distinction is....(drumroll please).... a sense of humor...which is why it doesn't work for you |
| Posted by: Frank G 2004-04-07 10:55:46 PM |
| #3 I'll vouch for .com any day asswipe. sorry you refound the bookmark |
| Posted by: Frank G 2004-04-07 10:54:26 PM |
| #2 Glad to see we're adhering to real news articles here unless they're posted by a twisted ass who just rolled off of his 15 year old rent girls in Thailand! PS Dumbass--you're quoting a FRENCH fable by La Fonataine |
| Posted by: Not Mike Moore 2004-04-07 10:52:45 PM |
| #1 .com, that is awesome. Absolutely hilarious - I was laughing the whole time, and my roommates got a big laugh out of it, too. Still, at the same time, it's so true it's sad. Watch for that to be the version I'll tell my children some day, while I remember the good old days when the world made sense . . . |
| Posted by: The Doctor 2004-04-07 10:40:27 PM |