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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| New Year’s Resolutions for Rantburgians |
| 2003-12-31 |
| I’ll kick it off with a few from the middle east: PLO chairman, Yassir Arafat, resolved: To continue being the Fidel Castro of the Middle East. That should be an easy one! Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, resolved: To continue talking up democracy and development to my western patrons while winking at my country’s anti-Semitic media and suppressing freedom of expression at home. Turkish Justice and Development Party leader, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, resolved: To finally be prime minister of Turkey, dammit. Afghani President Harmid Karzai, resolved: To stay alive. Osama bin Laden, resolved: |
| Posted by:An old friend of the board |
| #12 #2: "Nothing hurts you, does it?" "Only pain!" |
| Posted by: Fred 2004-1-1 1:23:08 PM |
| #11 Seething. I want more seething. And fatwas. |
| Posted by: tu3031 2003-12-31 9:37:42 PM |
| #10 More horseriding. More salsa-dancing. And i think i will go photographing Venice again this year. |
| Posted by: chinditz 2003-12-31 7:06:56 PM |
| #9 Whaddayamean, Wesley Clark Approved Timeship? Doesn't that run the risk of getting you stuck in a parallel universe? |
| Posted by: Phil Fraering 2003-12-31 6:02:52 PM |
| #8 I posted this at http://www.right-thinking.com as well... My predictions: 1) Bush will win a 50 state landslide in November. 2) Al Qaeda will attempt a coup on some Asian nation (Pakiland mebbe?). 3) Bush will start to get conservative nominees on the federal bench and will nominate Estrada for SCOTUS following an even tighter grip on the senate in November 2004. 4) Congress will begin to issue Letters of Marque and Reprisal to private companies to ease the cost of the war on terrorism. Jane Fonda will be the first to be captured; Then Jim McDermott and 'Al Qaeda' Patty Murray. 5) Yassar Arafat will bite the Big One: Sharon turns red trying to keep from laughing his ass off and to look dignified when he expresses his condolences. 6) There will be a major terrorist attack but in Europe. |
| Posted by: badanov 2003-12-31 6:02:02 PM |
| #7 Howard Dean:I will not froth at the mouth.I will not froth at the mouth.I will not fr...BUUUUUUUUUUSH!!! Dean must have been taking lessons from William Shattner. |
| Posted by: Charles 2003-12-31 4:35:58 PM |
| #6 Using my Wesley Clark approved timeship,I have scoured the globe for these New Years resolutions. New York Times editorial board:we resolve to be fair and balanced in our coverage of the 2004 Election-once Bush,overcome by guilt,refuses to run and the Republican party does the right thing and nominates Al Gore as their candidate. Pervez Musharraf:I resolve to put those unemployed Saddam decoys to good use. Howard Dean:I will not froth at the mouth.I will not froth at the mouth.I will not fr...BUUUUUUUUUUSH!!! Democratic Underground:We resolve not to allow any post that does not use Nazi,evil,war monger,fraud,war for oil,greed,stupid,illegitimate,hate or contempt when referring to Bush and his cronies. George Bush:I will not gloat.I will not gloat.In public. Jaques Chirac:I will remain strong.I know the cowboy will come to his senses,realize the logic of my superior mind and admit he was wrong.He will put my friend Saddam back in power,withdraw all his troops and agree to be guided by me in all matters of state. French senior citizen:I will be so nice to my children and grandchildren that they will take me with them this summer. Kyoto Treaty:I resolve to...oh f*** it,even I know I'm dead. European Union:(speaking French w/German accent)We res...shut up !shut up! we know what's good...hey,where are you going!Merde. Yassir Arafat:I make same resolution each year.Stay alive and watch my bank accounts grow. Marvin the Martian:I resolve to practice my shooting,I still get only 2 out of 3 probes. Fox News:We resolve to continue driving our competitors nuts by watching our ratings rise,while theirs fall. The Anti-War Left:We resolve to protest the unilateral declaration of war against Germany and Japan in 1941 because Bush's father fought in that war. Rantburgers:We resolve to give Islamic terrorists,extremists of every type and the French all the respect they deserve. |
| Posted by: Stephen 2003-12-31 4:29:58 PM |
| #5 James Lileks has some resolutions for Bush haters: I resolve to examine at least one of the president's statements, acts, gestures or facial expressions without first insisting it proves that the man is a stupid chimp evil liar plastic-turkey-holding DRAFT DODGER MY GOD CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SEE HIM FOR WHAT HE IS? I resolve to grasp the absurdity of appearing on national talk shows to insist that our freedom of speech has disappeared. I resolve to be more precise in my language. When I am tempted to criticize the administration for being ''pre-emptive,'' I will recall that arresting all the hijackers on Sept. 10, 2001, would have been, well, pre-emptive, and that I might well have protested this indefensible act of ''profiling.'' There's more at the link. |
| Posted by: Steve 2003-12-31 2:58:51 PM |
| #4 Quote originally attributed to Ghengis Khan. |
| Posted by: mojo 2003-12-31 2:57:26 PM |
| #3 Well, I am an OldSpook. |
| Posted by: OldSpook 2003-12-31 2:56:23 PM |
| #2 "Crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women." Nice to see someone else still appreciatess the old Conan movies. |
| Posted by: Slumming 2003-12-31 2:41:57 PM |
| #1 Crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women. Well, short of that, I'd settle for spending more time with my family now that I can, and being grateful to God that I managed to stay alive to do so. |
| Posted by: OldSpook 2003-12-31 2:22:48 PM |