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| -Short Attention Span Theater- | |
| Weekly World News: Belgium Destroyed by Rogue Asteroid | |
| 2003-12-30 | |
| The obscure nation of Belgium, often called "Europe’s forgotten country," was virtually destroyed by the impact of an asteroid — but incredibly, outsiders didn’t notice for three weeks. Belgium is home to the EU bureaucracy, so naturally nobody would care if a meteor hit it. This probably also explains how the French were able to get through that non-PC headscarf ban. And even after they found out, newspapers and TV stations in the United States didn’t bother to report it! A concerned media critic is calling this the "most underreported story of 2003." Together with European gratitude and French humor. "I conducted an Internet search and I found only two references in the American media to the catastrophe in Belgium. Yet for the same time period I found more than 6,500 stories about Kobe Bryant," blasts media critic John Blancing of New York. "We have to start getting our priorities straight as journalists. Belgium is a country of more than 10 million people, with a very rich history. To let its destruction go unreported is appalling and unforgivable." The oversight has been blamed on a number of factors, among them the fact that the asteroid struck on September 12, when media attention was largely focused on the deaths of singer Johnny Cash and actor John Ritter. I’ll stop complaining about the media not having their priorities straight. There’s also the sad reality that no one, either in the United States or the rest of Europe, is particularly interested in what happens in Belgium. "Belgium hasn’t made a major contribution to world history since the days of Flemish artists like Pieter Rubens in the 17th century," notes an expert. Not so, it was a convenient highway for the Germans a couple of times. "No American vacations there — why would you, when there’s London, Paris and Rome? To most outsiders, it’s as if Belgium doesn’t exist. And of course now it doesn’t." When astronomers first spotted the tiny, 460-square-foot "mini-asteroid," dubbed Appler 3710, late last year, it generated quite a stir, but interest died down after experts determined it would probably not hit Earth. That turned out to be a big miscalculation, however.
The EU’s Waterloo (also in Belgium, oddly enough) Extensive damage occurred in nine of the 10 provinces, with Antwerpen, Brabant and Wallon especially hard hit. Fiercely proud, King Albert II has refused to allow Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt to reach out to fellow European nations for aid. And appealing to America for help was "out of the question," given Belgium’s stubborn refusal to back Operation Iraqi Freedom earlier this year, Blancing notes. In neighboring Luxembourg, which experienced minor quake damage, reports of the disaster in Belgium first began to surface in early October. But newspapers in France and Germany, which also border the tiny country, ignored rumors of a catastrophe. Vacation time, no doubt. "To put it bluntly, the Germans and French are concerned only with themselves," Blancing says. It was only when the media critic happened to interview the Belgian ambassador to the U.N. that he himself learned what had happened. "The ambassador didn’t know about the asteroid until he phoned relatives back home," Blancing notes. A trickle of reports on the deepimpact tragedy are finally beginning to crop up in the U.S., but it’s too little, too late. Like Belgium itself. "CNN and FOX News should have been on top of this," the expert says, "but apparently Britney Spears’ "On top of?" Nope, won’t go there. I love the Weekly World News. It is the only decent and honest American tabloid: no celebrity gossip, diet tips (unless they come from Mars), consumer tests, or other frivolity, just straightforward sensationalism and brazen fabrication. My favorite WWN story ran back in 1987. It claimed that a UFO with a Confederate flag painted on the bottom had overflown a bullfight in Mexico and played "Dixie" as it zoomed by. That should have been good for 8 or 10 conspiracy books: "Gettysburg and Area 51:Century of Deception" "Appamattox to Tau Ceti, the Rest of the Story". I don’t know if it’s crazier than 9-11 conspiracy theories, but it’s sure a lot more fun. | |
| Posted by:Atomic Conspiracy |
| #8 "Very funny the Rantbourgeois piling on Belgium--the French make Belgian jokes like we make Pollack jokes--right JFM? |
| Posted by: Anonymous 2003-12-31 8:44:26 PM |
| #7 Ed Anger was THE MAN! |
| Posted by: tu3031 2003-12-30 8:35:49 PM |
| #6 I used to strongly identify with Ed Anger... |
| Posted by: Fred 2003-12-30 1:31:48 PM |
| #5 They also exposed North Korea's plan to invade and conquer the United States. Can the New York Times say that? |
| Posted by: tu3031 2003-12-30 1:00:52 PM |
| #4 Follow on to Spot: Not only was there a sub in Lake Michigan, it was a Kursk class sub according to the photo on the front page. Wow ... it must have been underground caverns and streams. Seriously though, there were subs built on the Great Lakes during WWII. A couple of them have been brought back and are on display in Muskegon, MI. and Manitowac, WI. |
| Posted by: Jim K 2003-12-30 10:04:56 AM |
| #3 My favorite WWN item was Saddam had a submarine in Lake Michigan. How it got through the Welland canal I don't know - those darn Canadians soft on terrorism again! |
| Posted by: Spot 2003-12-30 8:51:55 AM |
| #2 If we just had a Zong Ray we could protect the Earth. Yesterday's report on the MDF was a scream AC. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2003-12-30 8:37:40 AM |
| #1 My favorite WWN headline: "JFK aghast at Teddie sex romp." You read that say to yourself, hmmm, hey, wait a minute, isn't he ... wasn't he ....? But WWN had that covered -- a small inset on the page showed ANOTHER, previous headline, "JFK Alive!" No slouches, these guys. |
| Posted by: Steve White 2003-12-30 2:07:11 AM |