’Mecca Phone’ with GPS Directs Devotees, Fanatics
A new cellular phone with global positioning technology will direct Muslim devotees toward Mecca for prayer, and Muslim fanatics toward Israeli bus stops and other large gatherings of "infidels".

Targeted at the Middle Eastern Muslim market, the GHD911 comes equipped with an electronic compass to direct the faithful toward Mecca. For a small additional charge, members of Islamic Jihad, Hamas, Al Qaeda and other social service organizations can get the Martyr-ola plug-in which directs the customer to the largest concentration of infidels within a 500 mile radius.

"Many of our customers live in desert areas where it’s difficult to determine direction," said an unnamed spokesman for the manufacturer. "The GHD911 will allow them to effectively perform their two most important duties -- Salat, the five-times daily prayers, and jihad."

The phone also includes an animated tour of heaven, with realistic depictions of the dozens of virgins who await the shahid, or martyr. The GHD911 also features two "hot terminal ports" that can be wired to any device which requires a brief jolt of electricity triggered remotely.

"We’re not sure what our fanatical customers will do with that feature, but our focus groups said it was essential," the spokesman said. "With the GHD911 we think we have invented the next wireless killer app."