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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Another cork scandal, this time with Brainless Joe Jackson
2003-10-15
From ScrappleFace
(2003-10-15) -- For the second time this season a corking scandal has rocked the Chicago Cubs in the wake of their improbable 8-3 loss last night to the Florida Marlins. This time a fan is the target of the investigation.

An unidentified Cubs fan, who snatched a foul ball away from the outstretched glove of Chicago left-fielder Moises Alou, is under investigation for allegedly having a head full of cork. The foiled foul catch marked a turning point in the game, which the Cubs had led 3-0 to that point. They were just five outs away from the World Series.

"No one with a brain in his head would cheat his own team from making an out," said an unnamed spokesman for Major League Baseball. "We suspect that most, or all of the fan’s cranium has been hollowed out and filled with cork."

Earlier this year, Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa was suspended for using a cork-filled baseball bat.

One expert said that cork-filled crania are a growing problem among baseball fans, but this is the first time during the 2003 post-season that the epidemic has affected the outcome of a game.

"Fans like the cork because it makes their heads lighter, and leaves them untroubled by thoughts of personal responsibility," said the expert.

Numerous physicians, who are Cubs fans, have offered to remove the cork from the unidentified man’s head, possibly through his nostrils.
Posted by:Atrus

#10  Well, the Cubs got hammered. Drat.
Posted by: Korora   2003-10-15 11:39:33 PM  

#9  I blame Alex Gonzalez for muffing a potential double-play ball, actually.

That there were 8 or so folks all with gloves outstretched goes to show that if it wasn't this guy it could well have been another.

Posted by: eLarson   2003-10-15 4:53:32 PM  

#8  "Think he's going to tonight's game? :-)"

If he's smart, he's already in Michigan, on his way to New York and a flight to Fiji...
Posted by: mojo   2003-10-15 3:09:29 PM  

#7  The guys name is Steve Bartman check out the smoking gun. Poor bastard.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/cubfan1.html
Posted by: Mike   2003-10-15 3:02:17 PM  

#6  1) I haven't seen this kid's name yet; has it been made public?
2) Think he's going to tonight's game? :-)
Posted by: Raj   2003-10-15 2:53:33 PM  

#5  It was tough to watch: Alou's glove was right there. But Prior and rest of team didn't overcome this piece of adversity; Cubs were still up 3-0, 1 out and 3-2 on Castillo. The rest of the meltdown we saw. Let's say "corkhead" was a precursor to disaster, not the cause. Overall, however, I'm still optimistic. Now that the shock has dissipated, there is still tonight's game and if Cubs don't win, well, then we didn't deserve the pennant.
Posted by: Michael   2003-10-15 2:20:29 PM  

#4  Silent Running is a bit upset over the Cubs loss:
Security had to escort the fan that got in the way out of the stadium. The best thing he can do is pack all his shit, and move as far away from Chicago, tonight, as possible. He might want to get a police escort. From someone beside the Chicago cops. Paraguay might work, better yet he might want to look for a rental under an assumed name in Madagascar, and hope no one recognizes him. Hope he got to keep that fucking baseball, so he can look at it every day for the rest of his miserable, miserable, pathetic excuse for a life, and realize what the hell he did tonight.
See, this is the big difference between Cubs and Red Sox fans.
Every spring Cubs fans think "Maybe this will be the year".
Red Sox fans think "Ok, how are they gonna blow it this year?"

Sob
Posted by: Steve   2003-10-15 2:06:45 PM  

#3  And, seeing that Joe's been dead since 1951, it makes more sense too.
Posted by: tu3031   2003-10-15 2:02:50 PM  

#2  Good idea. Reads better that way.
Posted by: Fred   2003-10-15 1:33:18 PM  

#1  Please change "Shoeless" to "Brainless"
Posted by: Atrus   2003-10-15 1:27:17 PM  

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