I did not make this article up!
LAHORE: President General Pervez Musharraf is preventing clerics from organising a successful jihad against America, Jamaatud Dawa (JD) chief Hafiz Hussain Ahmed [Hafiz Saeed] said at the All Pakistan Ulema Convention here on Thursday. âWe do not fear America. We can defeat it through jihad very easily, but Gen Musharraf is holding us up. He has become the biggest enemy of jihad, and if we can get him out of the picture, we can take care of the infidels,â Mr Saeed said in a fiery speech at the convention, which was organised by his party.
| "Just like we whupped 'em in Afghanistan!" |
Representatives from various political parties and seminaries attended the convention and agreed that Pakistan should not recognise Israel, send troops to Iraq, compromise on Kashmir, allow the US Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) to operate in Pakistan, or reform seminaries. They also urged the government to lay off targeting Mujahideen and jihad, âbecause it is the only way Pakistan can move towards dignity and prosperity.â
| "Exploding turbans are very dignified! And look how prosperous we've become since they started killing people indiscriminately!" |
Mr Saeed said it was the clericsâ duty to âliberateâ Kashmir, Palestine, Samoa, Mexico, Antarctica, Cleveland and other occupied Muslim territories, and to prepare themselves and their students for âthe great jihadâ. He said if the government recognised Israel, it would threaten the ideological basis of Pakistanâs existence. He said the government should not send troops to Iraq because the Arabs would hate Pakistan for it.
| Certainly wouldn't want that... Ummm... Which Arabs? |
The JD chief said General Musharrafâs visit to North African countries was âpart of an American agendaâ and its purpose was to prepare grounds for the recognition of Israel.
| And everybody knows, once that's happened it's all over. Next thing you know, Pakland will be inhabited by Methodists and honest mullahs will be begging in the streets... |
JD Foreign Affairs head Hafiz Abdul Rehman said the US was not happy with Prime Minister Zafarullah Jamali and predicted he would be replaced with Finance Minster Shaukat Aziz, âthe most suitable US puppetâ. He cited rumours that Mr Aziz was a Qadyani, and âQadyanis have always favoured Americaâ.
| "That's why we kill 'em, by Gar!" |
Mr Makki recalled fondly the Afghan war against the USSR, saying those were days âwhen our generals would fight side by side with the Mujahideen and gain martyrdom. Sadly, now our generals have lost the spirit of jihad and Gen Musharraf is trying to eliminate jihad.â
| "Aye, lad. Them wuz the good old days, back when I was a tad..." |
He continued the attack on Gen Musharraf where Mr Saeed had left it. âHe is an American puppet, a hypocrite and has no concern for Islam. He sold Taliban, Arab and Pakistani Mujahideen blood for only $3 billion.â
| Actually, that's a pretty good price. The phrasing suggests Makki would have held out for more, but would have done the same... |
Mr Makki said the governmentâs anti-jihad policies had resulted in an increased threat on Pakistanâs borders. âAt one time, the Mujahideen had expanded Pakistanâs borders to Ammo River, and Kabul and Islamabad were one, but now our borders have shrunk,â he said.
| "Aye! Oncet we wuz a great empire, but now we're fallen on hard times! And 'tiz all his fault!" |
He blamed the attack on a Quetta mosque that killed over 50 people on the anti-jihad policy too. âThe policy allowed the Indian RAW (Research and Analysis Wing) and Kabul to carry out the attack. Both are working together against Pakistan.â
| "And they used jihadis to do it! This would never have happened if we had proper jihad going! All them Shias woulda been killt long since..." |
Muttahida Majlis-e-Amal (MMA) Punjab head Hafiz Muhammad Idrees said jihad was the source of Muslimsâ strength and would continue âwhatever the costâ. MMA leader Fareed Ahmad Paracha said his party would resist any attempt to send Pakistani troops to Iraq. Jamaat-e-Ahle Hadith Ameer Maulana Muhammad Hussein Shiekhupuri urged the clerics to unite. âThat is the only way to save the nation from crisis,â he said.
| "Yes! We must unite to force Perv from office, take power, and fight over the spoils among ourselves!" |
Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam-Fazl Punjab chief Maulana Amjad Khan said Pakistan was âunder siege by infidelsâ who want seminaries closed down, jihad ended and the Pakistani nuclear weapons programme rolled back. The heads of JDâs seminaries called on the clerics to get jihadi training, and asked the public not to use contraceptives, because âAmerica wants our mothers not to propagate more Mujahideenâ. He also criticised the current democratic system, saying it made people supreme, not the Quran.
Which is kinda the heart of the whole argument, isn't it?
The reason I love the Pak press so much is that it gives this sort of unvarnished look into Lalaland, a place where turbans are way too tight. Thought processes, no matter how convoluted, always arrive at the same place, with a call for jihad and death to [fill in name here]. We in the good old U.S. of A. become involved in frivolities like Britney's breasts and who killed Jon Benet, whether homosexuals can marry and if such unions should be compulsory, about Hillary's book advance and whether fat folk can sue McDonald's. On the other side of the world the enemy is having discussions like these.
"He also criticised the current democratic system, saying it made people supreme, not the Quran." |
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